i'm in my twenty somethings and life is uncertain. and i've been suffering from this looming uncertainty.

I'm not really sure how to put this in words. It's something experienced, lived through, and then possibly understood to some degree.

there's just so many things going on. there's bills on bills on bills. there's relationships. there's friendships. there's family. there's this event to be at. there's instagram. there's facebook. there's this and this. and this. and this.

and it's quite dizzying when you look back and see this myriad of experiences that somehow compose your life. it's literally like this huge photo mosaic being assembled.

and in this mosaic, you see a pattern that builds upon habits and decisions and ultimately your character.  that's why as you get older, your chances of changing who you are go wayyy down. you're just too cemented into your ways to really make lasting change.

society is cute when it thinks it can give me the slightest bit of "false comfort" to know that everyone my age is going through this same anxiety/uncertainty.

this "false comfort" is akin to me stating "i have have a goldfish," a statement which i use as an parallel example, because it's an arbitrary fact, the "false comfort" doesn't do anything to help solve the situation.

like duh, right? this whole uncertainty issue is nevertheless quite humbling because it's not easy and it's not simple. and every twenty something is just trying to make it work. because there's no instructions. because there's no clear pathways. and it's up to you to make the best decisions, which  are hopefully the right ones.

lately i've been searching for a way to handle this anxiety/uncertainty situation apart from society's version of "i have a goldfish"...and while reading Kirkegaard, i stumbled upon his take on the situation and a viable solution for such:

Do Not Worry

Matthew 6:25-26 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

if God is loving and cares for the birds of the air. and if he provides for them, why would it be, that he should not provide for me as well.

yet in today's culture and especially american society~ this solution seems impossible, because in this solution as proposed by the birds of the air...it relinquishes the responsibility (or illusion of that) to provide for yourself and it properly re-establishes your dependence solely upon God, and that it is only by His hand which He will provide for you.

ultimately this whole illustration allows you to see and to fulfill the role that you were meant for, which is to be content to simply be a human being. and in doing so, this frees you from all worry, anxiety, and discontent. you be you. you let God be God. it's that simple.

look at the birds and how they fulfill their role:

• they don't think compare themselves to other birds of the air. (they don't care what others have or have not, they basically aren't on social media)
• they don't compare one day with the next. (they live in the now and are thankful for the present)
• they don't worry about "what if's" (they don't worry about possible turn to negative town in the future)

they simply do as the gospel instructs us to do, they let each day have troubles enough of it's own. they know their role as a bird of the air, accept that role, and leave the rest to God.

Kirkegaard says this:

 "We often find people quarreling with one another in a niggling dispute that hinges on the comparison between dependence and independence and how fortunate it is to be independent and how burdensome to be dependent.  And yet, and yet- human language and human thought have never discovered a more beautiful image of independence than heaven's poor bird; and yet, and yet- nothing would be more peculiar than to say that it would be burdensome to be as light as a bird. To be dependent on one's wealth is not only to be dependent, it is to suffer a burdensome thralldom. To be dependent on God, utterly dependent, is to be independent."

"Dependence on God is the only independence, for God is without weight- only earthly things and especially earthly treasures have weight- and therefore those who are entirely dependent on Him are light."

so in my journey as a twenty something trying to find a solution to this uncertainty i have a couple options...

• i can be independent and free from anxiety if i am to assume my role as a human being, content to being wholly dependent on God for my food, looking to the birds of the air as a living example of this.

 or

• i can follow society and struggle with anxiety, with worrying about food, comparing myself to others, which thus generates further worldly anxieties and probably die a good 20 years earlier.

hmm...the former seems like the viable solution.

there isn't much to say other than the fact that i'm thankful for the people in my life who have taken time in their life to push me towards the cross.

Look at me! Look at me! Why are we here, Brendan? Why are we here? Are we here to win this fight? You tell me, 'cause if we're not, I'll throw in the towel right now. We'll get Tess and we will go home. You don't knock him out, you lose the fight. Understand me? You don't knock him out, you don't have a home. 

so may is the month that i'm going to study hard for the GMAT's...except there's things to be done every weekend. this shall be interesting.

"So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought." -Gandalf

LOLOL

i haven't written a blog post on here for a while now, not because there has been nothing to talk about, but more there was a lack of devoted time to do so.

also, that every time i did intend to do so, ended in me realizing that my passion for blogging at the time was fleeting and that my heart truly did not want to write here.

none the less, i wanted to blog quickly and quietly about my life of late.

it's been exciting.

it's been new.

and it's been surprising.

all the while, i've been learning to adjust myself with life as of late.

i have a plan in motion, and i just need to harness the discipline to follow through.

and i just have to say, that CS Lewis might be nothing short of a genius.

i constantly need to remind myself this as i always manage to find other things to do.

In Christ alone, my hope is found


He is my light, my strength, my song


This cornerstone, this solid ground


Firm through the fiercest drought and storm


What heights of love, what depths of peace


When fears are stilled, when strivings cease


My comforter, my all-in-all


Here in the love of Christ I stand

There in the ground His body lay


Light of the world by darkness slain


Then bursting forth in glorious day


Up from the grave He rose again!

And as He stands in victory


Sin's curse has lost its grip on me


For I am His and He is mine


Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death


This is the power of Christ in me


From life's first cry to final breath


Jesus commands my destiny


No power of hell, no scheme of man


Can ever pluck me from His hand


Till He returns or calls me home


Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

is not failing or succeeding...


...but being satisfied with mediocrity.

i was talking with a good friend of mine tonight and i mentioned that sanctification was on my mind.

and i was thinking about an analogy of it. and i haven't really thought through the idea too harshly, but i feel that it sums up the idea that i want to put forward.

i imagine God being a sculptor who takes us and to make us into something amazing.

we're this big hunk of rock. ridiculously jagged and unrefined...& somehow, God is going to unearth something magnificent.

so he goes to work, chipping away.
bit by bit.
imperfection upon imperfection.

and our only direction is to be still.

but of course, we want to move, we want to have it happen all at once, we want it now.

but you can't do work on a statue if it's moving around...

&that's not how God works. and so he stops. he lets us complain and whine~ move around. and once we obey and become still again~ he continues.

he doesn't do our time. he does his time.

he doesn't do mistakes. he does perfection.

he does what we can't. he transforms us.

God does the impossible with man, through Christ.

i'm writing this blog because i love you, dear reader. i love you all.
i miss my friends. we're so far away and it's not fair. people are separated by distance, but in our hearts and spirit, we're together. gayyyy. <333 i mean...yayyyy. lolol.

the many (tldr;) adventures of my recent life:

got to visit grant on my bday weekend with ray. to protect the innocent, i can't post details about it all, but rest assured, a grand time was had. mostly done through a healthy amount of prop bets and late night chillin and eating pizza... so good.

ray left. i'm sad because we had a great number of grand talks and adventures, but the trip to SF was a beautiful way to top it off.
oh, wait, i'm going to korea this summer to visit him. :)

got to go to two basketball games: clippers vs. spurs & lakers vs. blazers. i dont feel the need to put the people who made these things happen on blast, but i had a great time at both games. :) thanks to the people who made it possible!

been playing lots of basketball on both tuesday night w/ wpc and sunday with taka & co. i love sunday games! it's just fun to play with the guys... & we go out for foods after since our games are later this season. hilarious fellowship after ball on both nights.
i've found i really love basketball after all the years of not caring, and i'm sad that i didn't work hard at improving my game.

studying a ton for the GMAT which i'll be taking in late may. i've decided to go to grad school to get my MBA. there are many details as to why i've chosen this route, & i suppose if you're curious, just email me or hit me on facebook.
i'll lay it all out...if we can talk in person/on phone/video chat/facetime. :D

busy prepping for thailand, which is coming up on march 6-18. i'm going with wintersburg who's partnering with ZOE who's mission statement is this:

ZOE Means "LIFE," the Life of God

Over 1.4 billion people have never heard the Gospel. ZOE International Ministries is a Christian organization with the mission to bring the Good News of Jesus Christ and to make disciples of the un-reached people of the world and to demonstrate God's compassion through rescuing and caring for orphans and children from human trafficking. 

one of my jobs is that i'll be running a yo-yo class, which should be interesting given that i haven't really play with them much in the years post junior high. it'll be fun no matter what, &i'm sure the kids will enjoy.

check out their website here: ZOE MINISTRIES

if you're reading this and remember to pray...please do!

all the support that i can find would be most appreciated. so tell your friends and fam!
rampantly hype this through facebook!
i've done a poor job of finding people to pray, because i actually haven't put it on blast, but i will attempt to do so in the coming days...
if you want a support letter, please let me know... hahahaha, NO MONEY INVOLVED!!! i dont want your money, i want your prayers. which honestly takes a good bit more time and faith so in effect, it's cost of time. i'll write another blog on thailand in a few days.

i'll leave you with something that's more real about my walk and what i've been learning

...story time!

...let me start by telling you about a friend...
i love this friend, he's one of the hardest workers i know.

he pointed out that every time the two words "But God" appear in the Word, something amazing is about to happen. aka "get ready, because it's about to get epic."
he stated that it was one of his favorite things to look for while studying the Word.

this is important because it shows who God is... it's revealing of His character!

in the text that follows "But God" you get to see a glimpse of the track record of God and what He's done to glorify Himself. the record is flawless...always comes through...always stays true.

God is never changing. unlike us or the times we live in. He's the same God of the Old Testament and of the New Testament. and that should be the most reassuring thing as we live day to day. we look at the bible, we see what he's done, what he is doing, and what he will do. and we can trust this because of His unchanging character.

for myself in my life, i've missed out on so many opportunities to trust God, because life got busy or some other "reasonable" excuse distracted from focusing on Him. either way, i didn't have my priorities straight.

But God makes it simple ...Put me at number one in life and everything else will worry about itself.

the story of mary and martha comes to mind. martha is working & prepping stuff cuz Jesus is there, and mary is just sitting at his feet listening. when martha complains that mary isn't helping, the one who is praised by Jesus is mary, for she chose what was better...and it wouldn't be taken away from her.

it's the sickest thing, because i want to control things in my life...i want to martha my life around, but when i trust God with even the smallest things and be like mary, he takes care of it.

when i choose God over everything else in my life, nothing is too much to handle because when He's the center, everything else quickly fades in importance.

for many, including myself, it's not enough to just hear about it...we all want that firsthand experience...

but the bible encourages this...READER...you should find out if it's true! try it out! see for yourself!

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8

&when it comes down to it, you either do, or you do not. #realtalk

like so many people before me...i'm now 24 years old.

oh well. :)


thanks to all my wonderful friends and fam, i shall not be spending this one alone!


i'm very thankful and blessed to know so many awesome people. #winning


tonight we're getting dinner...somewhere...where i haven't decided yet. =|


and on friday, i'm planning on going up with Ray to SF to visit Gwant. 


& go HAM while keeping it classy


wait...is that possible?


you're welcome


#kobesystem


and if you find yourself wondering what delicious treat that i'll be eating for my bday...

chocolate covered gummi bears - easily my favorite naughty to eat. they changed my life one day when i walked into a now "late" sweet factory and saw the intriguing little treat. a gummi bear + chocolate = best candy ever. 

my cousin silvia bought me a lb. for my bday and within a week it's almost done. lol

Weeeeeeee!


happy birthday to ME!


LEGGO!!!

i went fly fishing today with my cousin Glen.

it was fun. i learned a lot. i had a good time. i recommend fly fishing to all my friends.

i love life.

*a report by justin tanaka*

over the past month, i've been given a precarious luxury that not many in my age group can afford at the moment.

time to think

&to be honest, the first part of this unemployment phase has been more of a picking up pieces of life and making sense of the situation i'm faced with...unemployment.

thoughts initially provoked came through self interrogation centered on the ideas of uncertainty, of doubt, and of failure.

however, at the forefront of my mind, cropped one idea: dissatisfaction with my life.

how do i go about solving this question...?

i believe the answer is simple in form:

it's time for a change

the questions that many people ask themselves when faced with their future tend to be one dimensional, however "practical" they may appear to be. in essence it's because they're only questions that scratch at carving out an existence, being happy, and weighing the options of difficulty and reward.

carving out an existence is something that i'm called to do- work. however i've been given more than i care to admit and know that if i do not make the most of what i've been given, i will have lost mass amounts of unrealized potential. the worst.

&being happy doesn't really mean much as happiness is a state of mind and emotion that seems to be ideal, but i appeal to the idea that "ignorance is bliss" and that appeasement of life is...to put it bluntly- missing the point.

difficulty and reward strike the ground into what may come of the American idea of a secure life. i could punt away more years of my life in search of a fine paying salary and security within the projected job market, but if there's anything i know, it's that nothing is guaranteed within the economy, let alone life.

i'm thinking about so many different options. i'm contemplating which ones are possible and which ones aren't and at times this may seem a bit overwhelming, but if i've learned a thing or two from Grant, it's that "it's good to have options" and there's nothing that i don't love about that.

but the questions i pestered myself with: "what am i good at, what makes me happy, what can i do best, what job do i want, how much monies will i need, and how is this all to be acquired?" were good, but elementary questions. even practical and wise to some degree. they were good to think about and flesh out... as it caused me to think...but i was omitting the very question that was crucial to coming about any change:

JT..."who" do you want to become and why?

you've been given a mind.
you've been given a heart.
you've been given a body.

and in what capacity will this body, will this mind, and will this heart be put to work in this world that most demonstrates the life that God has given me. a restored one. a born again one.

and i think if i answer this, no further questions are needed. worrying about what may or may not happen only generates unnecessary worry. and we're called not to worry.

i am starting to get on board with the idea that the details of life will take care of themselves. i only need to worry about waking up each and every day with the main point in mind that i will steward rightly the life that God has entrusted to me. to make the best of the plot that i've been given.

the opportunity and potential before me is a sick gift. i have nothing tying me down at the moment and the options are essentially limitless.

please pray with me that i don't squander it

1. heart&soul-

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” 

(1 Samuel 16:7 ESV)

i read this verse...and all i'm saying is that we should be honest and upfront towards one another in a loving, caring, & humble manner.
literally...it's about meeting people where they are, and just loving them -like Christ-
we're all sinners -dead- all we can do is help each other see the love, grace, truth, and hope offered at the Cross -born again-
let's lay it all out on the table, let's be objective, let's be honest, let's look at all the facts, let's see what the Word says and let's let you decide what to do with it. no one will to sway or force you to a decision. it's gonna be between you and God. your move.


a note: i wrote out and edited something that took me over 10 days to go up and down about, which my entire 2011 year taught me, only to scrap it all and keep this one verse and point from it.


i'll leave you with this:

God knows my heart better than anyone else. 
He knows my motivation for everything.
& He is the only one who sees me...who matters


here's to 2011, thanks.
here's to 2012, welcome.


"what we do in life, echoes in eternity" - Gladiator

a new year.
it's interesting, isn't it? a new year's resolution is an idea that functions as a goal for one to endeavor upon accomplishing during the upcoming year. a goal, which one's mental analysis has formally declared as the certain course of action.


for myself, i've kept a healthy appetite for starting things and then never coming about a conclusion. that's why i changed my blog name to "more starts than finishes" because quite literally, it's a lame feature of mine. this isn't something i enamor about myself as with almost any task (including this blog), i am dragged away by lack of focus, laziness, and/or boredom and thus find other new mini-endeavors to dabble upon. 


this constant fascination with "the next thing or the latest & greatest" has lead to me becoming a more well rounded cripple. if there is such a thing as a Jack of all trades i'm along the lines of a solid 7 of all trades ... and that's not out of 10, that's with the Ace as the highest.


so onto my resolutions...


but first, a thought on 2011- 
i loved it.


ok, moving along...


3 goals that are to be continuously refined until i die. (part 1 of 2)


3. body-


to be done by getting up every day, motivated to live a life dedicated to keeping my health in the highest regard. 
health is interesting...when it's there, people tend to not care about it. however when it is lost or degrading, it's value is priceless. perspective goes a long way in such a short amount of time.  

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20   

2. mind- 

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

give Ray Kim credit for this one. he is both a scholar and a gentlemen who encompasses a very keen understanding of life as well as possessive command of the english language.  the story goes as such: ray says, " Well, I've been given a brain by God, why not put it to good use? what a waste that would be."

and i thought, by the beard of Zeus, HE'S GOT IT! 

ok, no- i thought more...yeah, he's right, i should start doing a little more expansion of my mind other than in words with friends. the fact was that he wasn't even talking about me, but merely made this comment in response to my surprise that he loves to study, which is in its own right...a good habit to form in life.

to be done by reading and never closing off an open mind. i don't want to lose a great thing that i've been given, because when my brain shuts off, that is when my life will begin to end.

...and the no. 1 thing is coming up next...

*i read another book (thanks to tami takamine) that pretty much describes where i'm at:

http://www.amazon.com/twentysomething-Surviving-Thriving-Real-World/dp/0849944449

linking it for those who are interested.

tldr; your twenties are a good time to figure out your life and put Christ at the helm presented in the most non-cheesy way plausible. basically: go figure it out, try new things, and live life.

my take on it; it's comforting to know everyone else doesn't have it figured out. that doesn't really mean that i'm in any better shape, but i guess it's nice to know i'm on the curve of the grading scale? bah.

*i have been scrambling over the past month saying this: 

"crap, i'm lost and i don't know what i'm going to do with my life...oh gosh, i'll just cling onto the most promising idea/job that will lead to a secure life and everything will be good...&that's what it's all about, right?"

i mean...

a secure life is what everyone wants, &it's what i want, right?

a secure life provides for a future family, &that's what women want, right?

a secure life is what my parents want, &they'll be proud to bring up me in conversation w/ friends&fam bam, right?

a secure life is what i want to bring up in conversation with people, so that they are impressed and give me respect, right?

a secure life is what will provide me happiness, right?

a secure life will keep my soul content, right?

RIGHT!?

or maybe this is the biggest lie ever? a lie so well conceived that charles ponzi himself would be impressed!

the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he didn't exist.

perhaps...the very thing that i was keen on investing and buying into is really the biggest waste of my life...and a life both unrealized & wasted in potential or a life not lived...

Matthew 25:14-30

New International Version (NIV)

The Parable of the Bags of Gold

    ¹⁴ “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. ¹⁵ To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag,^[a] each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. ¹⁶ The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. ¹⁷ So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. ¹⁸ But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.   ¹⁹ “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. ²⁰ The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’
   ²¹ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
   ²² “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’
   ²³ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
   ²⁴ “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. ²⁵ So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’
   ²⁶ “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? ²⁷ Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

   ²⁸ “‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. ²⁹ For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. ³⁰ And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’)

so i thought...what is a secure life anyways?

in my humble opinion: a secure life is an illusion that we as humans create to provide "safety nets" that will protect us against the unknown that is out there. we put our hopes and dreams above these "safety nets" and pray they hold if things don't go according to plan.

i believe there is some wisdom in a secure life, but i don't necessarily believe that it's an "end all-be all" in that it's going to save you, bring you lasting happiness, or a sense of completion.

that's what a secure life is really...a little bit of truth mixed in with a lie. a half truth is still a lie, is it not?

...i could be wrong, but i don't think i am...

tell how many stories have you heard about people who have acquired vast wealth...a secure life...and then wished they'd done something else with their life?

and how many stories have you heard about people who lived a selfless life who in their last moments regretted that the life they lived and wished instead to have acquired money or a secure life instead...? yeah, i haven't heard any of the latter and if you can point me to one, i'd be impressed.

ok so there's a point to all of this...

i have been having a lot of talks with a close friend, who probably is the single most influential person that i have talked to in my collegiate career...Ray Kim

and the sick thing is, i think he has the twenty something thing figured out.

he's managed to keep pointing me to the Cross in the most honest and real way. 

Ray asked me what I want to do with my life- i mean who hasn't asked me this lately?

I childishly paraded the idea of getting into social media marketing and sales of some sort.  I mean, it's been working like a charm with my family, friends and everyone without second thought...why wouldn't it work with Ray?

He quickly brushed that to the side and said, "That's what you really want to do?"

"Huh? Why not? What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing (smirk), it's just...you want to become a number? C'mon tell me what do you really want to do with your life, ...i mean, let me ask you this...what do you love? just keep it simple"

keep it simple...and then it was clear to me...

there are two things in life that i love and take joy in... which is helping others and God.

he basically said that there's only one thing we need to worry about...

and that's seeking the kingdom of God.

Matthew 6:

³¹ Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. ³³But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

 ³⁴ “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

did you miss it?

there it was.

if you didn't get the answer to your twenty somethings 

it was right there.

tldr; seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you is the answer to the twenty somethings.

so what does this look like for me?

it means that i shouldn't look to worry about the money, the money will worry about itself. i don't mean that if you have a high paying career, it equates a secure life, that's not the correlation i'm trying to make.  The point is that no matter what you endeavor, do the thing you were created to do, and do it to the best of your ability.  Do this job, as well as your life, do this all by seeking first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you.

it says it clear as day, that if i seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, all these things will be added to you...aka let the rest worry about itself. 

that takes a good amount of trust and faith. it's this seemingly opposing life contrary to what the world says...store up monies, etc...a secure life. and i don't think i'll look back at a secure life on my deathbed and be content. i'll probably feel like the guy who buried his talent.

yeah, i don't want to be that guy.

JKuo sent me this link and i recommend it if you ever thought about what life would be like on your deathbed & the thoughts of possible regret.

it's something that i constantly think about...

http://www.ariseindiaforum.org/nurse-reveals-the-top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed/

tldr;
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.


i also wanted to link this story if you have extra time to read it about a texas teen who passed away and left this note about his life with only 3x5 cards as the subtitles.  it was really good. good enough to make me tear up and enough for kid cudi to tear up as well. check it if you got time (there's part 1 and part 2...after part 1 is done playing there should be a link within the video at the end for part 2) http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/nationnow/2011/12/texas-teen-dies-on-christmas-leaves-online-message-video.html

this post actually has nothing, that's right 0 to do with santa...

i am attempting to fall asleep at 5 am...cuz christmas eve is one of the best days of the year with my family.

highlights:
getting to see the little buddies and fam bam
prime rib/chicken crepes
punch
white elephant
ball


the only downer this year was when people asked about how i was doing and how the job is going.

yeah, no job anymore.

lol, so i can't really skirt the truth here, and why would i even think about lying? they're gonna find out. it's an asian family. they all talk, LDO!!! - (like duh, obvious!)
so cuz i'm boring, i tell the truth and force the conversation to take an ugly turn down "no fun lane" and "awkward avenue"
it's painful for about 1 minute as we logistically talk about what happened etc...meandering through the details that aren't even details, they're more like fodder for peddling us along this crap street we have started down... at this point- we both are frantically thinking about what can bail us out of the awkwardness....

deep down i'm praying someone interrupts us and needs the person i'm talking to do a favor or help out without me there. i dont really want to be helping out...or continuing this conversation...lolol. jk.

no i'm not actually. lolol.

anyways, it was a good night. i miss them when i dont see my fam- they're too awesome.

here's a few snapshots:

Toshi, Micah, Samuel and Luke

Kate, Kar, and Lala

my white elephant gift that i have found a new home for already.

gross. -_-

oh hey, it's me. -_- #failheadshots

A friend emailed me & this is what i thought of:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWUfFwoe8ko&t=2m45s

I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope. - Red (the shawshank redemption)

hahaha, thanks to my mom for her photo taking skills.

new thinking.
new possibilities.


i tend to be ambiguous, so i'll cut straight to it.


onward:


-things i've thought, prayed and submitted to God-

as for location, i'm going to stay within california. i love traveling, seeing new places, and immersing within different cultures. i suppose that NY or Chi-town are still on the board as possible, but less likely...unless there was a dream job opportunity.

as for a job, i'm going to start looking for something within advertising/marketing.  the field just seems like something that beckons to me, as i would say one of my abilities is relative ease in generating hype. pretty much it's the ideal industry for me...and looking at how things are done in today's lifestyle...social media might be the most ideal route.

needless to say...

life has been quite interesting this past year.

i'll probably drop a few more thoughts and have a year end recap...for this year could not have been more up and down.