i thought i wouldn't be able to bear it. again.

i thought i was going to die. again.

lol. jk.

to be honest though, i didn't wanna give up starcraft again. i mean, it's one thing when it's voluntarily punted, but having it taken abruptly clearly showed where my heart was at. it kinda was unsuspected that we were going to "radically amputate" something that we give a lot of our time to during the week. the series for those inquiring is about biblical communication and how things like texting/facebook/vg's take away from the face to face contact as well as the social aspect of everything. it's kinda a double edged sword, but basically they're probably not helping as we use it (e.g. substitute for actually catching up with people with newsfeed). so jared kira asked us to drop those things for a week. most people were dropping texting or facebook or some kind of chat. i think i used to spend a lot more time on those things, but in recent times, i've spent a lot less on those things and more on video games. which is where i knew that it was that thing i was going to give up.

If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

(Matthew 5:29-30 ESV)

i knew the thing i was dropping this week was SC2 because it definitely held a lockdown of my thoughts and time. It wasn't necessarily that i was playing so much, but more that i was thinking about my builds, strategy, and overall skill.

to supplement the availability of time, we were supposed to use it to be a more clear use of our time in a God honoring way.

so i decided to hang out with people i don't hang out with, or hang out with people whom i haven't hung out with. (so if you got a message, yes it was a template, but it wasn't because i didn't want it to be personal (that's why i added a small blip at the end of each one) but more because i wanted it to be clear and focused on the reasoning behind me desiring to hang out. (not to have "miscommunication")

i didn't ask these people if i could post their pictures, but as with any of my posts, you can just tell me to de-post it and i'll remove it. but if you never say anything, your silence will be taken as accepting of my use of your fb picture.

monday was setup with everyone and get car stuff done.

tuesday began with Karen Ma:

haha, i hate the rain. it made me late to hang out with k. butttt it was awesome to catch some elBJ with her (al pastor ftw) and just get to know her better. i hadn't really talked to her much since i met her at the star wars potluck, but it was great to hang out and talk. she views me as a younger brother. ahhaha. high larious, because i'm not that much youngerrrr IMO.

later that night i got to hang out with Sarah Lee:

yayyy. we went to college together, and said that we'd always keep in touch. but i wasn't entirely sure if i was blatantly lying at the time because i'm terrible at keeping in touch (as most friends or past friends can attest to) anyways, we got some koba tofu and then headed to DT Fullerton to get some BOMB.COM gellato. redonk a donk! anyways, when she was ordering for us at the tofu house, it was hilarious. the whole time..... "neh neh neh (x5)" in different alternating tones and nodding of the head. :D hahahaha. (i know it's like saying yes yes yes...but still...i love it)

on wednesday i met up with senor ikeda:

haha. good times. we went to sugar rush cafe. amazing. the raisin bread french toast was ridiculous. i also was late to this meeting. stupid alarm didn't go off. that and i didn't go to sleep till 4ish. -_- anyways, it was a huge blessing to hang out with him and get to know him better. i think there's a lot of stuff we can talk about and we agreed to meet up weekly. hollerrr for being unemployed. -_- jk. not really.

then that night was occupied by wed. night CSULB bible study. me and brian went to AACF early and then to bible study, which went well. ahhaha, sorry to people i saw and didn't say hi to while i was in the area. but i'll be there next week (at least for bible study, maybe not aacf) but yeah, if you wanna catch dinner before, lemme know, and i'm down like jay sean. (((ohhhhhhhh i see what you did there)))

hahaha, ::sidenote:: i went to oceanside that night pickup jdm tails for my car and i was going to hang out with liz nguyen...but when i went to look for her number, i didn't transfer it for some reason, and then when i messaged her on FB and gmailed her to text me it, she didn't have mine either. :facepalm ftl: so anyways, we ended up not meeting up that night which was obv. a blunder on our part and God's will. so next time for sure liz. :D

thursday was UCLA day, so i brought some cookies my mom made for them. i was supposed to hang out with a couple peoples, but one had to study :cough: Sarah Moon, so she was unable to come out. but i still made sure she got the cookies.

in the morning i hung out with my little cousin kai at home:

he's a fan of the pink chair. we like to headbutt each other as a sign of hello and conveying of feelings of mutual appreciation. hahahaha. i love this guy. always happy. always in love with buzz. and always in love with his mommy. and trash trucks. :D (yes i put this picture up so girls will message me about him) ::shameless self-bump for justice:: (that was for you bassy)

but then i got to hang out with Josiah Cheng:

hahahahah, i know i'm going to get a bunch of comments on this, but the first thing i wanna say is that i went into hanging out with him unknown of the connection to JC. HAHAHAHA. redonk. and then i found out he was Jess Cheng's sister. WHAT!?!?! getttt out. anyways, we spent some time hanging out in starbucks westwood area. which was nice, to just get to know each other...we spent most of the time talking about God and our lives. :D then he showed me around campus including his dorm which was awesome as well cuz i got to meet some of the people in his hall. (man college life:tear: goodtimes) it was a blessing to get to know this guy. hopefully more to come in the future.

::sidenote:: all i gotta say is that if i went to UCLA. i would FOR SURE NOT HAVE GONE to any classes due to the crappy hills everywhere. hahahah. but on the real, the campus is 1000000x nicer than crappy UCSB, but there's no doubt SB was 10000000x better as far as location. but other than that. UCLA has one of the nicest setups overall. gross.

then at night i made a gametime decision and came back to anaheim for Christina Pham's bday dinner...

it was awesome, as i love Christina and probably my mom loves her more. hahaha. sad.

anyways, it was a huge blessing that i was able to go and spend some time catching up and just hanging out.

so now i'm done with the week as it's friday and i'm about to sleep cuz i have to many a chore to do tomorrow. but let me end on this note.

at first, i thought i was going to struggle harder with SC2 but actually it was the biggest blessing to hang out with so many different people. it was a little tiring (driving around) but it was awesome (worth it) no doubt. I developed a love (by God's grace) for loving these people, even those that i didn't know, i was excited to hang out with and meet and just be able to have fellowship with them. it was such a privilege.

i made a realization last week before this all began. i know that i'm a social kind of guy, but being social doesn't necessarily translate into me automatically loving the people that i socialize with. just because you hang out with people doesn't mean you actually love them. or to put it in perspective...just because you love someone who loves back you doesn't make you any different than the pharisees.

Thus, i'm trying to make every word, every pause, and every breath in communication be more direct with love and sincerity. i heard a sermon from Francis Chan in which used the gauge of how much of your life resembles Christ? think about that...because that's what's going to matter.

it's far too easy to get comfy in our little social bubbles i've created.

and on that note...this week was for sure 1000000x better than i imagined.

if one were to pose the question,

"JT, would you do it again?"

i would answer, "yes, pleeeeeeaseeeee."

lawl. (thanks to cory i say lawl now)

yea...this was a top 10, for sure. =D ftw.

back again! jT's back! tell a friend!

the time away from blogging on here has given me a fresh perspective on a lot of things. as i stated before, i was pretty caught up in viewership and all i did was incessantly check my google analytics seeing if i could get more people to click through to my blog. as i watched trends and how people came to find my blog, i was obsessed with the idea that i was somehow significant. were people actually interested in my life? or was it just another link that they had setup on their daily list of blogs to view while not working at work. this became too much for me to handle and i had to put it on the bench.

well, the call has come through and i'm bringing this thing up outta the minors. call it gaines. call it posey. in fact, don't call it anything, since it's going to amount to nothing close in that range. i'm going to come back to blogging with a real and vivid idea of what this is all about. and merely, that is to be a means through which i can stream my thoughts and ideas of what life has been throwing at me. yes, it's for you, the reader, but it's also not going to be an idol of my heart as i foolishly had made it out to be.

i've seen some fruit and wisdom in the time i've stepped away from this blog. there is something to be said for keeping your mouth shut and just listening. and mostly i find that in those times, there is so much to learn. i will be making it a normal practice.

i, of course, have kept up with the blogs i read, as well as the blogs that have sprung up while i was out of the game...

i've seen the new and improved blogs that have a home page with arguably my favorite hitter of all time, Junior. i see you scott.

i've seen blogs start up and pretty much never get updated cuz their first post dealt with non-mainstream top 40 artists as the beginning point for their blog (with his friends thrashing his attempt at showing who and what he's about to the rest of the world)...props to russ.

i've seen blogs begin with emotional outpour of the heart... jc ftw.

the thing is, all blogs are created for the very purpose of what their creator has deemed them to be. whether that be sports, music, life, or just pure unconscious streams of their thoughts, it's all whatever you want that blog to be.

much like our lives, our blogs are dictated by the choices we make. there is one major difference, we're accountable to God for them. our blogs are merely products we've constructed from nothing. however, our lives have been created for one purpose. and that's to give glory to God. Over the next few posts, i'll be talking about things i've learned while away from the blog. mostly about what God's been teaching me such as who He is and who i am in relation to Him.

which brings me to where i'm at now. my blog has now ceased to be an idol of mine and i'm ready to begin fresh. but at any point at which it becomes a potential threat. i'm going to drop it again. i don't owe it to anyone to keep this up. and i'm sure you probably don't care enough anyways, hahaha, but the fact is this, i'm accountable for one thing, the management of my life and decisions i make. and that's going to dictate the output and flow of what's going to be posted here.

i'm going to still strive to be transparent and honest, but with obvious censorship when it would be more than unwise to post about certain topics.

the more i've learned, the more i realize just how much i don't know. and i am definitely humbled. the thing i'm going for is to be honest, sincere and real with people i haven't talked to in a long time...and those whom i've just met as well.

the future has much in store. (a giants WS championship? i see you grant) i look forward to the rising sun emerging again from the depths of the darkness to shine ever brighter.

(no i'm not talking about japan's army, they've been done since 45'

...what?!? too soon?)

while skydiving today. there's two things i came up with to say before i die.

one: know the gospel.

two: know the gospel.

on that note:

hahaha...let's do this.

from the matter(s) at hand. i feel like i'm running away from the things i need to take care of. i need to go somewhere far away and just get away... even though that doesn't solve my problems.

i have this small feeling that i haven't begun to go and enjoy life. so many of the vacations that were supposed to happen fell through, and i guess i figured they would since there wasn't too much planning involved. but i just want to get away for a while. i wish that jet blue package was still available...

All my chains I can't disengage
And I don't believe that I want to
One hand sings your praise
The other brings me shame
I have selfishness to blame

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the one
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for change

Broken down I lay I keep holding my chains
No long bound but here I stay
I scream Father please I need rescuing
I need You and You alone

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the one
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for (change)

Still You patiently await
Yet I won't just let go
I see You and You alone
Say "come follow me

Despair has come so you can see...

Release

And so I'm singing for freedom
The time has come separation lost the war to love
Take my hand gace has found you where You once began
You're Alive! You're Alive! in the waking of new life
Take my hand in the end there's only love
There's only love

I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not only one
Praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for I'm ready for...
Father please I need rescuing
I need You and You alone

When i went to mt. hermon in high school camp era circa 2005. i wanted to be in tim lee's cabin one year of the three years that i was there. hahaha, sadly i was never put into his cabin. the reason for desiring placement into his cabin ...other than he's an awesome and hilarious and godly cabin leader... is because he did this object lesson with his cabin utilizing a bunch of tape and the loss of your dominant hand for one day. and i had always heard from others about how awesome it was and etc...and i didn't know what it was about obv, since i was never in his cabin. but then, on my senior year, he let me and vince murakami join in, even though we weren't part of his cabin...

this is what happened:

we closed our eyes and he put something in the palm of our hands and he proceeded to wrap our hand. so it was like this bandaged right hand. and so the rest of the day we had to eat, and do everything with minus our right hand. then at the end of the day, we met up with him and he talked to us about sin and how devastating it is to our lives. he talked about how we need to be free from it, but freedom is only possible through Christ in His death on the cross for our sins. and then he proceeded to cut open our taped hand...and amidst the humid, pruned hand of mine...there was a chain....

that chain represented the bondage of sin that Christ has set us free from. but how it devastated everything i did during the day and how it just made life so much harder. it was the crippling disability that prevented me from doing so many things effectively. i loved this lesson and i was so grateful that he allowed me to participate... because it was such an awesome object lesson that showed me the destructive effects of sin in our lives.

i talked with david lee this past week before i left...

and i wanted to share a challenge that he gave me ending the funternship that is carrying on into my next stage in life.

He gave me charges that i'd never really thought of... &tbh, they cut straight to my core. and it's because they revealed so much of my heart. [how it's riddled with so much sin.] i had just got to another point in life where i refused to see it.

This is what was said ...

He challenged me to simply live a week free of distractions: without a computer, tv, iphone - games|apps, or any electronic distractions. {including Starcraft II, Facebook, Blogs and all internet}

[[short of having a watch from which i will be able to tell the time. i'm keeping it to the minimum]]

He challenged me to be wise about the time i've been given and steward it accordingly.

these are all things that i've stewarded a lot of my time and interest in, such as: my car (represented by the jdm wakaba green/yellow arrow keychain and car keys), vinylmation (represented by tigger and dale), shoes (represented by the tiffany dunk), and sc ii (represented by the camera taking the photo). [[all ends in themselves]] how do they produce more relationships or spurring on others towards love and good deeds. they are not sin in and of themselves, but are they fruit bearing either???

He challenged me to grow, simply for the sake of growing... not to blog about it... to not put it on blast... to not post it for the world to see...

to be frank. his charges have set off alarms to my life.

i think talking to dave gave me a clear picture of what my life looks like from the outside.

and i am definitely grateful for that...it's really rare to have anyone give you an honest take on your life nowadays. my life is one that loves to indulge...and usually not in God.

it's a life that is dominated by one such phrase,

"well, i'm not going to be able to do it later, so i should just do it now."

which isn't the most wise, albeit godly advice for anyone.

i stumbled across this quote from Piper that i've heard in a previous sermon...it gave another ringing alarm for my life at hand

Do you have a hunger for God? If we don't feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because we have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because we have nibbled so long at the table of the world. Our soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for the great. If we are full of what the world offers, then perhaps a fast might express, or even increase, our soul's appetite for God. Between the dangers of self-denial and self-indulgence is the path of pleasant pain called fasting. - John Piper

how feeble is my hunger really for God!!! it should be unquenchable, yet, i find myself pining after useless idols that accomplish their mission of robbing my joy in God, and my heart's direction.

there is this girl at lighthouse (who will remained unnamed) who i asked if she had a blog.

to which she replied, "yea, but i don't post them online for others to see. it's just for myself to reflect on."

JUST FOR MYSELF?!?!?

i thought this girl different, "why would you do that? why wouldn't you share? don't you want to tell others of your tales and adventures???"

it wasn't until dave brought it up...that i was convicted of my own sin in this blog.

the fact is...is that i actually do care about viewership, i care about if people read. the fact is...i see so many other peers who have interesting and magnificent pages and lives...and that looks cool. i mean, i want to be cool like these other people!!! i should definitely write about my life in a blog so others can see and i can be the center of attention.

alas, no. i shouldn't care about viewership and i shouldn't invest so much of my time into this blog, sc ii, and other electronic distractions and other excuses as the reason for why i'm not spending time with God. if i'm honest with myself think my quote literally turned into something more like thisss:

"i'll have forever to worship God, so i can indulge into this (hype/fad/interest) for this moment on earth."

i'm such a idiot. if this is the actual outpouring thought from my heart, then how should i ever come to any understanding of God's word. Dave was right. in ministry, there is a extreme awareness of time and the fact is...there isn't any time to spare. every minute, every second that passes is one that has been not allocated and stewarded properly. i am becoming more aware of my lack of thought life directed toward God. how deserving he is for our worship, yet i make excuses, i allow myself to be swayed by the world.

the fact is...i should care only what God thinks about my life. i need to worship him more fully, with disregard for the distractions and threats of this world... [you'll be unpopular, no one will want to hang out with you, your friends will change] i don't care. i can't go on being an idiot who wants to indulge into the next hype.

i hope to be much akin to daniel who disregards the trap set before him by the presidents & satraps, because he knows that not even the threat of death will stop him from worshipping the true God.

[Daniel and the Lions' Den]

[6:1] It pleased Darius to set over the kingdom 120 satraps, to be throughout the whole kingdom; [2] and over them three presidents, of whom Daniel was one, to whom these satraps should give account, so that the king might suffer no loss. [3] Then this Daniel became distinguished above all the other presidents and satraps, because an excellent spirit was in him. And the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom. [4] Then the presidents and the satraps sought to find a ground for complaint against Daniel with regard to the kingdom, but they could find no ground for complaint or any fault, because he was faithful, and no error or fault was found in him. [5] Then these men said, “We shall not find any ground for complaint against this Daniel unless we find it in connection with the law of his God.”

[6] Then these presidents and satraps came by agreement to the king and said to him, “O King Darius, live forever! [7] All the presidents of the kingdom, the prefects and the satraps, the counselors and the governors are agreed that the king should establish an ordinance and enforce an injunction, that whoever makes petition to any god or man for thirty days, except to you, O king, shall be cast into the den of lions. [8] Now, O king, establish the injunction and sign the document, so that it cannot be changed, according to the law of the Medes and the Persians, which cannot be revoked.” [9] Therefore King Darius signed the document and injunction.

[10] When Daniel knew that the document had been signed, he went to his house where he had windows in his upper chamber open toward Jerusalem. He got down on his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as he had done previously. [11] Then these men came by agreement and found Daniel making petition and plea before his God. [12] Then they came near and said before the king, concerning the injunction, “O king! Did you not sign an injunction, that anyone who makes petition to any god or man within thirty days except to you, O king, shall be cast into the den of lions?” The king answered and said, “The thing stands fast, according to the law of the Medes and Persians, which cannot be revoked.”

(Daniel 6:1-12; Daniel 6:13-27 ESV) [13] Then they answered and said before the king, “Daniel, who is one of the exiles from Judah, pays no attention to you, O king, or the injunction you have signed, but makes his petition three times a day.”

[14] Then the king, when he heard these words, was much distressed and set his mind to deliver Daniel. And he labored till the sun went down to rescue him. [15] Then these men came by agreement to the king and said to the king, “Know, O king, that it is a law of the Medes and Persians that no injunction or ordinance that the king establishes can be changed.”

[16] Then the king commanded, and Daniel was brought and cast into the den of lions. The king declared to Daniel, “May your God, whom you serve continually, deliver you!” [17] And a stone was brought and laid on the mouth of the den, and the king sealed it with his own signet and with the signet of his lords, that nothing might be changed concerning Daniel. [18] Then the king went to his palace and spent the night fasting; no diversions were brought to him, and sleep fled from him.

[19] Then, at break of day, the king arose and went in haste to the den of lions. [20] As he came near to the den where Daniel was, he cried out in a tone of anguish. The king declared to Daniel, “O Daniel, servant of the living God, has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to deliver you from the lions?” [21] Then Daniel said to the king, “O king, live forever! [22] My God sent his angel and shut the lions' mouths, and they have not harmed me, because I was found blameless before him; and also before you, O king, I have done no harm.” [23] Then the king was exceedingly glad, and commanded that Daniel be taken up out of the den. So Daniel was taken up out of the den, and no kind of harm was found on him, because he had trusted in his God. [24] And the king commanded, and those men who had maliciously accused Daniel were brought and cast into the den of lions—they, their children, and their wives. And before they reached the bottom of the den, the lions overpowered them and broke all their bones in pieces.

[25] Then King Darius wrote to all the peoples, nations, and languages that dwell in all the earth: “Peace be multiplied to you. [26] I make a decree, that in all my royal dominion people are to tremble and fear before the God of Daniel,

for he is the living God,

enduring forever;

his kingdom shall never be destroyed,

and his dominion shall be to the end.

[27] He delivers and rescues;

he works signs and wonders

in heaven and on earth,

he who has saved Daniel

from the power of the lions.”

(Daniel 6:1-12; Daniel 6:13-27 ESV)

continuing from the beginning...

to this day, i still have the chain on my keychain. and it's the visual reminder to be repentant everyday asking for forgiveness for the multitude of sin in my life...and to know that the free gift of grace that God has so graciously bestowed upon me, cost him his son and...woah, how amazing is that grace. Grace was not cheap.

i remember talking to cherylynn (back in 05) and we were talking on the bus...coming back from mt. hermon. we had a good week and i was definitely challenged to get rid of everything that was sinful as well as all the grey areas in my life. just imagine what it would do! what it would free up and allow for God to use and move!! how good is that in theory we both agreed. i just never did it. so i'm going to try it out now for at least a week and see how what happens...now a week doesn't seem that long, but i wanna go super hard after this for a week and then analyze it, and then probably if the results are what i think they're going to be. start trying to make provisions so that my life would be closer to that week. and even betterrr than that week.

We'll see...

and another note... i don't want anyone to think i'm judging them based upon my own convictions. this is all dependent to myself and has nothing to do with others. & i'm not saying that blogging is sin, because it's not, but for my own self, i feel like this blog has become an idol in my life. and it's time for some re-evaluation of where this blog and my life are headed. (simply a tool is a weapon.)

so i'm going to take some time off from blogging.

at least until i can figure out what i will post up for the world to see and what i will simply keep to myself.

[Jesus, Founder and Perfecter of Our Faith]

[12:1] Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, [2] looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

(Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV)

TLDR; we're either running hard after God or we're slipping far and fast away. i'm trying to rid myself of unnecessary areas of poorly stewarded time, namely material things.

to one david lee: the challenge, is accepted.

hahahahahhahaha. kobe references miami as voltron.

awesome. :D

yes yes...i can see it now! :D

so basically, i've been a converted fan of taylor swift. her catchy lyrics and fun melodies keep me entertained as i search for covers of her amazingly crafted songs. i have the smallest confession to make. i pretty much was waiting for forever for this video to come out, and i even watched the previews on youtube looking for a drop date.

the finished video is awesome, although jee made a comment saying that it isn't believable that she's a mom. it doesn't affect my love for the video, but i agree, it's more befitting of carrie underwood or someone with a higher level of maturity, but nonetheless, i'm a fan.

ok. i'll update this again when i compile the plans for post-funternship. i had to talk about t swizzle though.