i was thinking about this past weekend and really there has been so much on my mind.

just this past weekend, i was driving to HB to see 50/50 and i was passing westminster cemetery and i haven't been there in...i don't know how long, but a long time... and i thought about visiting my family (my entire family is buried there). so i checked the rear view and saw that it was clear; so i crossed 3 lanes and managed to get over. i then proceeded to drive around and get out where i thought the graves were, but sadly, i couldn't find them. i continued on looking, but i ran out of time....i had no idea where they were.

50/50 caused me to think of my deceased family and how death is always right around the corner. and how we just don't know when our time is up.
the movie just dug up so many things that i've had to deal with time and time again.

sidenote:
50/50 - awesome movie. best movie this year. i wont spoil any of it. but i'll talk to you if you wanna trade thoughts.

but that brings us to today's RIP.

gg steve. your commencement speech was amazing. it really resonated with me. mostly cuz, i'm pretty much in agreement with most of what you said. and to be honest, i'm going to probably have to use some of that wonderful life experience you've had and just go with my gut feeling in the years to come.

::Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.::


this one is so ill. this is one of the things i've learned first-hand through witnessing death so often in my life. 
death is the ultimate equalizer. 
it doesn't eff around, but gets right to the heart of the matter. 


if you die right now, are you satisfied with what you've done, how you've lived, and who you have become? 
such a sick question because of the answer for it.


::Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.::


ahh, wise words from a decent man. another thing i've grown to learn over the course of this year is that we are all unique in how we are made.
fact: be who God created you to be. yourself. not someone else. 
fact: no two people see EVERYTHING the same exact way and that's fine. in fact it's more than fine because it's perfect and that's how it should be. 
it tilts me so hard when i hear/see people not being who they are wired to be. i mean, who really cares? especially when they just "go with it" and "settle" and end up being someone they aren't. that's complete crap IMO. i'm not saying don't stretch/grow yourself, but how about you just be you instead. be who God wants you to be.



I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
(Psalm 139:14 ESV)


it is meant to be this way. dont be like middle man mcgee you see everyday, he's got his own life to worry about.
cut the middle man out. the only person you should try to be, is Christ.
but in this process, just be you. and be the best you possible.


::Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.::





thanks for your life steve. i'll remember your words of wisdom. 

I'm giving myself a set amount of time to write out my thoughts. ~10 minutes

whatever is transcribed is staying...i'm not re-editing this post (other than spelling). no veto power if it comes out bananas.

• Jedi vs. Sith - there's two places you can come from when you grind out life. you can be motivated by the hate, the power, the evil in the world and no doubt, this is sick motivation. it will put you over so many other people who are just in the middle and refuse to do anything. and lets get it straight, there's a lot of people who fall into the middle. who simply let life pass them by. and i definitely have been in that category. so sith is powerful, but even more so are the jedi. and although we know that they get jacked, the Jedi/Rebellion eventually wins out and it's the because of who they are. 
• Harry vs. Voldemort - ok, i wont ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen/read the phenomenon known as harry potter, but basically they're two different wizards who are trying to get rid of the other. i'm not going to claim to be a expert at either, but i'm seeing a trend right here. harry is pure. voldemort is not. lolol. they fight and apparently Harry > Voldemort. but the thing is...it's because of where they were coming from...one was bent on ruling the wizard/entire/world domination - the other was simply fighting for survival and for his family, and for his friends. motivated by love.
• WELL...i think the reason i wanted to talk about these two analogies is that both the Jedi and HP weren't the ones who desired anything other than peace. they wanted love. they wanted to be left the efff alone. and what happens when the jerk kid on the playground isn't happy with one toy, but wants two? well someone is losing in that equation and it's the person who wants peace.  however, it's never enough. the desire for power gets you only so far, but leaves you short. the hate and anger that is at the heart of this only lasts so long. it's too long and cold of a road to make it.  and you trade in everything that have in exchange for it. you have a limited amount of life. and that's yours to decide what to do with.
• all in all. i wanted to just talk about life and grinding it out. i think this past year i've been motivated mostly by spite and hate and judgement and other things this year. mostly just figuring out life and whateverrr but the point of this was simply to say that life is short. death is the ultimate equalizer, we're all headed there at some point. and that choosing what motivates you everyday is what you're ultimately giving your life to.
• is the motivation hate
• or is the motivation love.

is the motivation yourself.

or is the motivation others.

is the motivation yourself.

or is the motivation Christ.

and at the heart of this...is just what i've been going through and life isn't easy. and i'm not perfect. and i'm learning all the time.

i have to make this moment count. so i'm going to make tomorrow count.

i'm going to make right now count.

and i'm going to make my life count.

it's going to be something. and i'm not (time ran out here...but i'll finish my thought) going to let it just pass me by. i'm going to put myself out there and not be afraid to fall because i'm going to keep getting back up and keep going and keep grinding and it's cuz i started to realize that i could care less what everyone else thinks, i'm not stopping.

Vidivodo.com : schindlers list ending  Etiket: schindler list ending

There's something that will always grip me at my soul by this scene.
just so sick.

Oskar Schindler: I could have got more out. I could have got more. I don't know. If I'd just... I could have got more.
Itzhak Stern: Oskar, there are eleven hundred people who are alive because of you. Look at them.
Oskar Schindler: If I'd made more money... I threw away so much money. You have no idea. If I'd just...
Itzhak Stern: There will be generations because of what you did.
Oskar Schindler: I didn't do enough!
Itzhak Stern: You did so much.
[Schindler looks at his car]
Oskar Schindler: This car. Goeth would have bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people right there. Ten people. Ten more people.
[removing Nazi pin from lapel]
Oskar Schindler: This pin. Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern. For this.
[sobbing]
"i could've gotten one more person, and i didn't...i didn't."

so i thought of these two jokes. tell me what you think.

what is chris brown's favorite breakfast item?

EGGO!

what was his favorite toy growing up?

LEGO!

=] hope you like.

I move onward, the only direction.

Can't be scared to fail, searchin' perfection.

I've concluded that everyday i want to make myself better than i was at the beginning of the day.  And then looking back on my life, i'll see the desired change.


let me say that i've wanted to change multiple times in my life, although, not much change ever happened. i had no drive or motivation deep down. explains why i was kind of indifferent regarding life/school everything.


there are a few categories that i'm going to be trying to place my effort:


1. Losing Weight
2. Putting in my 110% at work
3. Upping my game
4. Traveling
5. making God "the from, through, and to."

you want something, but you aren't willing to put in the effort to do it the right way to get it.

i've always wanted the shortcut. the easy way. 

i wanted the crown w/o the fight.


which translates into my rep/character...cuz i want the same respect that others had to sacrifice for: the $, time, or effort that goes into the fact that i want props where props aren't deserved

lesson:
don't skip steps, or else, you be trippin.

it's decent. edited. worthy of a shout out.

"i be going HAM, shawty, upgrade from baloney" lolol.

over the course of last year, one of my best friends was talking to me about life and she was just telling me about her life and how's she's changed, matured, and grown spiritually. i was happy for her, but i didn't really understand what she was talking about. that was until i experienced the process known as maturity [and it's crazy stuff. crazy like a fox.].

tbh, i can't agree with her more. this past year coming out of college, working, etc. i have learned and grown in so many different ways. it's kinda weird, and i'm just grateful that it's finally happening.  maturity, feels so good.

&yeah, i'm feeling on top of the world.

Thus cue God to insta-deconstruct my ego.

i was at disneyland last night and i nearly lost my wallet. it had come out of my back pocket while exiting the train at big thunder. i noticed it was gone while reaching to buy a water at the gate walking out. i couldn't freaking believe it was not there. i was frantic. our group split to check indy and thunder. mike and carrie went back with me, and thankfully, they had it at thunder. OMG. i couldn't believe it. Praise God.

3 things stood out to me during this process:

1) mike saechang pointing me towards the cross - he did this by saying a prayer asking that God would look out for me and that they would have my wallet - then after when it did happen, just saying to me, "see we ask and we'll receive" this whole process made a great impression upon me. not like chiding or scolding me in the situation for my negligence, but encouraging me towards Christ in the moment. awesome. just awesome.

2) time is precious - just the gross feeling of thinking about replacing everything within the wallet. it's not really the money within the wallet that would've hurt the most, but the time that i'd lose because of replacing the items within it. - time is just so precious, i hate losing minutes to things that can be avoided. after working for a little bit now, i've realized that time has to be managed wisely because i have so little after work/sleep; thus having flexibility in any situation is necessary.

3) coming back to the place of humility before God- knowing that at any moment, i'm able to be instantly humbled by the creator / savior of this world. in just so many things, my wallet, my health were two i was thinking about as my elbow was annoying me as well
...and to know that no matter what, we only get this life, and if life isn't stewarded correctly. we'll miss out on a wealth of blessings.

just realizing that no matter what my circumstances, i always need to come back to the cross whenever I think of it, to humble myself and repent and realize that no matter what I've done, it's all by God's grace that i'm living and breathing and changing.