i'm in my twenty somethings and life is uncertain. and i've been suffering from this looming uncertainty.

I'm not really sure how to put this in words. It's something experienced, lived through, and then possibly understood to some degree.

there's just so many things going on. there's bills on bills on bills. there's relationships. there's friendships. there's family. there's this event to be at. there's instagram. there's facebook. there's this and this. and this. and this.

and it's quite dizzying when you look back and see this myriad of experiences that somehow compose your life. it's literally like this huge photo mosaic being assembled.

and in this mosaic, you see a pattern that builds upon habits and decisions and ultimately your character.  that's why as you get older, your chances of changing who you are go wayyy down. you're just too cemented into your ways to really make lasting change.

society is cute when it thinks it can give me the slightest bit of "false comfort" to know that everyone my age is going through this same anxiety/uncertainty.

this "false comfort" is akin to me stating "i have have a goldfish," a statement which i use as an parallel example, because it's an arbitrary fact, the "false comfort" doesn't do anything to help solve the situation.

like duh, right? this whole uncertainty issue is nevertheless quite humbling because it's not easy and it's not simple. and every twenty something is just trying to make it work. because there's no instructions. because there's no clear pathways. and it's up to you to make the best decisions, which  are hopefully the right ones.

lately i've been searching for a way to handle this anxiety/uncertainty situation apart from society's version of "i have a goldfish"...and while reading Kirkegaard, i stumbled upon his take on the situation and a viable solution for such:

Do Not Worry

Matthew 6:25-26 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

if God is loving and cares for the birds of the air. and if he provides for them, why would it be, that he should not provide for me as well.

yet in today's culture and especially american society~ this solution seems impossible, because in this solution as proposed by the birds of the air...it relinquishes the responsibility (or illusion of that) to provide for yourself and it properly re-establishes your dependence solely upon God, and that it is only by His hand which He will provide for you.

ultimately this whole illustration allows you to see and to fulfill the role that you were meant for, which is to be content to simply be a human being. and in doing so, this frees you from all worry, anxiety, and discontent. you be you. you let God be God. it's that simple.

look at the birds and how they fulfill their role:

• they don't think compare themselves to other birds of the air. (they don't care what others have or have not, they basically aren't on social media)
• they don't compare one day with the next. (they live in the now and are thankful for the present)
• they don't worry about "what if's" (they don't worry about possible turn to negative town in the future)

they simply do as the gospel instructs us to do, they let each day have troubles enough of it's own. they know their role as a bird of the air, accept that role, and leave the rest to God.

Kirkegaard says this:

 "We often find people quarreling with one another in a niggling dispute that hinges on the comparison between dependence and independence and how fortunate it is to be independent and how burdensome to be dependent.  And yet, and yet- human language and human thought have never discovered a more beautiful image of independence than heaven's poor bird; and yet, and yet- nothing would be more peculiar than to say that it would be burdensome to be as light as a bird. To be dependent on one's wealth is not only to be dependent, it is to suffer a burdensome thralldom. To be dependent on God, utterly dependent, is to be independent."

"Dependence on God is the only independence, for God is without weight- only earthly things and especially earthly treasures have weight- and therefore those who are entirely dependent on Him are light."

so in my journey as a twenty something trying to find a solution to this uncertainty i have a couple options...

• i can be independent and free from anxiety if i am to assume my role as a human being, content to being wholly dependent on God for my food, looking to the birds of the air as a living example of this.

 or

• i can follow society and struggle with anxiety, with worrying about food, comparing myself to others, which thus generates further worldly anxieties and probably die a good 20 years earlier.

hmm...the former seems like the viable solution.

there isn't much to say other than the fact that i'm thankful for the people in my life who have taken time in their life to push me towards the cross.

Look at me! Look at me! Why are we here, Brendan? Why are we here? Are we here to win this fight? You tell me, 'cause if we're not, I'll throw in the towel right now. We'll get Tess and we will go home. You don't knock him out, you lose the fight. Understand me? You don't knock him out, you don't have a home. 

so may is the month that i'm going to study hard for the GMAT's...except there's things to be done every weekend. this shall be interesting.

"So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought." -Gandalf

LOLOL

i haven't written a blog post on here for a while now, not because there has been nothing to talk about, but more there was a lack of devoted time to do so.

also, that every time i did intend to do so, ended in me realizing that my passion for blogging at the time was fleeting and that my heart truly did not want to write here.

none the less, i wanted to blog quickly and quietly about my life of late.

it's been exciting.

it's been new.

and it's been surprising.

all the while, i've been learning to adjust myself with life as of late.

i have a plan in motion, and i just need to harness the discipline to follow through.

and i just have to say, that CS Lewis might be nothing short of a genius.

i constantly need to remind myself this as i always manage to find other things to do.