the chain and the challenge...

All my chains I can't disengage
And I don't believe that I want to
One hand sings your praise
The other brings me shame
I have selfishness to blame

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the one
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for change

Broken down I lay I keep holding my chains
No long bound but here I stay
I scream Father please I need rescuing
I need You and You alone

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the one
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for (change)

Still You patiently await
Yet I won't just let go
I see You and You alone
Say "come follow me

Despair has come so you can see...

Release

And so I'm singing for freedom
The time has come separation lost the war to love
Take my hand gace has found you where You once began
You're Alive! You're Alive! in the waking of new life
Take my hand in the end there's only love
There's only love

I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not only one
Praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for I'm ready for...
Father please I need rescuing
I need You and You alone

When i went to mt. hermon in high school camp era circa 2005. i wanted to be in tim lee's cabin one year of the three years that i was there. hahaha, sadly i was never put into his cabin. the reason for desiring placement into his cabin ...other than he's an awesome and hilarious and godly cabin leader... is because he did this object lesson with his cabin utilizing a bunch of tape and the loss of your dominant hand for one day. and i had always heard from others about how awesome it was and etc...and i didn't know what it was about obv, since i was never in his cabin. but then, on my senior year, he let me and vince murakami join in, even though we weren't part of his cabin...

this is what happened:

we closed our eyes and he put something in the palm of our hands and he proceeded to wrap our hand. so it was like this bandaged right hand. and so the rest of the day we had to eat, and do everything with minus our right hand. then at the end of the day, we met up with him and he talked to us about sin and how devastating it is to our lives. he talked about how we need to be free from it, but freedom is only possible through Christ in His death on the cross for our sins. and then he proceeded to cut open our taped hand...and amidst the humid, pruned hand of mine...there was a chain....

that chain represented the bondage of sin that Christ has set us free from. but how it devastated everything i did during the day and how it just made life so much harder. it was the crippling disability that prevented me from doing so many things effectively. i loved this lesson and i was so grateful that he allowed me to participate... because it was such an awesome object lesson that showed me the destructive effects of sin in our lives.

i talked with david lee this past week before i left...

and i wanted to share a challenge that he gave me ending the funternship that is carrying on into my next stage in life.

He gave me charges that i'd never really thought of... &tbh, they cut straight to my core. and it's because they revealed so much of my heart. [how it's riddled with so much sin.] i had just got to another point in life where i refused to see it.

This is what was said ...

He challenged me to simply live a week free of distractions: without a computer, tv, iphone - games|apps, or any electronic distractions. {including Starcraft II, Facebook, Blogs and all internet}

[[short of having a watch from which i will be able to tell the time. i'm keeping it to the minimum]]

He challenged me to be wise about the time i've been given and steward it accordingly.

these are all things that i've stewarded a lot of my time and interest in, such as: my car (represented by the jdm wakaba green/yellow arrow keychain and car keys), vinylmation (represented by tigger and dale), shoes (represented by the tiffany dunk), and sc ii (represented by the camera taking the photo). [[all ends in themselves]] how do they produce more relationships or spurring on others towards love and good deeds. they are not sin in and of themselves, but are they fruit bearing either???

He challenged me to grow, simply for the sake of growing... not to blog about it... to not put it on blast... to not post it for the world to see...

to be frank. his charges have set off alarms to my life.

i think talking to dave gave me a clear picture of what my life looks like from the outside.

and i am definitely grateful for that...it's really rare to have anyone give you an honest take on your life nowadays. my life is one that loves to indulge...and usually not in God.

it's a life that is dominated by one such phrase,

"well, i'm not going to be able to do it later, so i should just do it now."

which isn't the most wise, albeit godly advice for anyone.

i stumbled across this quote from Piper that i've heard in a previous sermon...it gave another ringing alarm for my life at hand

Do you have a hunger for God? If we don't feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because we have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because we have nibbled so long at the table of the world. Our soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for the great. If we are full of what the world offers, then perhaps a fast might express, or even increase, our soul's appetite for God. Between the dangers of self-denial and self-indulgence is the path of pleasant pain called fasting. - John Piper

how feeble is my hunger really for God!!! it should be unquenchable, yet, i find myself pining after useless idols that accomplish their mission of robbing my joy in God, and my heart's direction.

there is this girl at lighthouse (who will remained unnamed) who i asked if she had a blog.

to which she replied, "yea, but i don't post them online for others to see. it's just for myself to reflect on."

JUST FOR MYSELF?!?!?

i thought this girl different, "why would you do that? why wouldn't you share? don't you want to tell others of your tales and adventures???"

it wasn't until dave brought it up...that i was convicted of my own sin in this blog.

the fact is...is that i actually do care about viewership, i care about if people read. the fact is...i see so many other peers who have interesting and magnificent pages and lives...and that looks cool. i mean, i want to be cool like these other people!!! i should definitely write about my life in a blog so others can see and i can be the center of attention.

alas, no. i shouldn't care about viewership and i shouldn't invest so much of my time into this blog, sc ii, and other electronic distractions and other excuses as the reason for why i'm not spending time with God. if i'm honest with myself think my quote literally turned into something more like thisss:

"i'll have forever to worship God, so i can indulge into this (hype/fad/interest) for this moment on earth."

i'm such a idiot. if this is the actual outpouring thought from my heart, then how should i ever come to any understanding of God's word. Dave was right. in ministry, there is a extreme awareness of time and the fact is...there isn't any time to spare. every minute, every second that passes is one that has been not allocated and stewarded properly. i am becoming more aware of my lack of thought life directed toward God. how deserving he is for our worship, yet i make excuses, i allow myself to be swayed by the world.

the fact is...i should care only what God thinks about my life. i need to worship him more fully, with disregard for the distractions and threats of this world... [you'll be unpopular, no one will want to hang out with you, your friends will change] i don't care. i can't go on being an idiot who wants to indulge into the next hype.

i hope to be much akin to daniel who disregards the trap set before him by the presidents & satraps, because he knows that not even the threat of death will stop him from worshipping the true God.

[Daniel and the Lions' Den]

[6:1] It pleased Darius to set over the kingdom 120 satraps, to be throughout the whole kingdom; [2] and over them three presidents, of whom Daniel was one, to whom these satraps should give account, so that the king might suffer no loss. [3] Then this Daniel became distinguished above all the other presidents and satraps, because an excellent spirit was in him. And the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom. [4] Then the presidents and the satraps sought to find a ground for complaint against Daniel with regard to the kingdom, but they could find no ground for complaint or any fault, because he was faithful, and no error or fault was found in him. [5] Then these men said, “We shall not find any ground for complaint against this Daniel unless we find it in connection with the law of his God.”

[6] Then these presidents and satraps came by agreement to the king and said to him, “O King Darius, live forever! [7] All the presidents of the kingdom, the prefects and the satraps, the counselors and the governors are agreed that the king should establish an ordinance and enforce an injunction, that whoever makes petition to any god or man for thirty days, except to you, O king, shall be cast into the den of lions. [8] Now, O king, establish the injunction and sign the document, so that it cannot be changed, according to the law of the Medes and the Persians, which cannot be revoked.” [9] Therefore King Darius signed the document and injunction.

[10] When Daniel knew that the document had been signed, he went to his house where he had windows in his upper chamber open toward Jerusalem. He got down on his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as he had done previously. [11] Then these men came by agreement and found Daniel making petition and plea before his God. [12] Then they came near and said before the king, concerning the injunction, “O king! Did you not sign an injunction, that anyone who makes petition to any god or man within thirty days except to you, O king, shall be cast into the den of lions?” The king answered and said, “The thing stands fast, according to the law of the Medes and Persians, which cannot be revoked.”

(Daniel 6:1-12; Daniel 6:13-27 ESV) [13] Then they answered and said before the king, “Daniel, who is one of the exiles from Judah, pays no attention to you, O king, or the injunction you have signed, but makes his petition three times a day.”

[14] Then the king, when he heard these words, was much distressed and set his mind to deliver Daniel. And he labored till the sun went down to rescue him. [15] Then these men came by agreement to the king and said to the king, “Know, O king, that it is a law of the Medes and Persians that no injunction or ordinance that the king establishes can be changed.”

[16] Then the king commanded, and Daniel was brought and cast into the den of lions. The king declared to Daniel, “May your God, whom you serve continually, deliver you!” [17] And a stone was brought and laid on the mouth of the den, and the king sealed it with his own signet and with the signet of his lords, that nothing might be changed concerning Daniel. [18] Then the king went to his palace and spent the night fasting; no diversions were brought to him, and sleep fled from him.

[19] Then, at break of day, the king arose and went in haste to the den of lions. [20] As he came near to the den where Daniel was, he cried out in a tone of anguish. The king declared to Daniel, “O Daniel, servant of the living God, has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to deliver you from the lions?” [21] Then Daniel said to the king, “O king, live forever! [22] My God sent his angel and shut the lions' mouths, and they have not harmed me, because I was found blameless before him; and also before you, O king, I have done no harm.” [23] Then the king was exceedingly glad, and commanded that Daniel be taken up out of the den. So Daniel was taken up out of the den, and no kind of harm was found on him, because he had trusted in his God. [24] And the king commanded, and those men who had maliciously accused Daniel were brought and cast into the den of lions—they, their children, and their wives. And before they reached the bottom of the den, the lions overpowered them and broke all their bones in pieces.

[25] Then King Darius wrote to all the peoples, nations, and languages that dwell in all the earth: “Peace be multiplied to you. [26] I make a decree, that in all my royal dominion people are to tremble and fear before the God of Daniel,

for he is the living God,

enduring forever;

his kingdom shall never be destroyed,

and his dominion shall be to the end.

[27] He delivers and rescues;

he works signs and wonders

in heaven and on earth,

he who has saved Daniel

from the power of the lions.”

(Daniel 6:1-12; Daniel 6:13-27 ESV)

continuing from the beginning...

to this day, i still have the chain on my keychain. and it's the visual reminder to be repentant everyday asking for forgiveness for the multitude of sin in my life...and to know that the free gift of grace that God has so graciously bestowed upon me, cost him his son and...woah, how amazing is that grace. Grace was not cheap.

i remember talking to cherylynn (back in 05) and we were talking on the bus...coming back from mt. hermon. we had a good week and i was definitely challenged to get rid of everything that was sinful as well as all the grey areas in my life. just imagine what it would do! what it would free up and allow for God to use and move!! how good is that in theory we both agreed. i just never did it. so i'm going to try it out now for at least a week and see how what happens...now a week doesn't seem that long, but i wanna go super hard after this for a week and then analyze it, and then probably if the results are what i think they're going to be. start trying to make provisions so that my life would be closer to that week. and even betterrr than that week.

We'll see...

and another note... i don't want anyone to think i'm judging them based upon my own convictions. this is all dependent to myself and has nothing to do with others. & i'm not saying that blogging is sin, because it's not, but for my own self, i feel like this blog has become an idol in my life. and it's time for some re-evaluation of where this blog and my life are headed. (simply a tool is a weapon.)

so i'm going to take some time off from blogging.

at least until i can figure out what i will post up for the world to see and what i will simply keep to myself.

[Jesus, Founder and Perfecter of Our Faith]

[12:1] Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, [2] looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

(Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV)

TLDR; we're either running hard after God or we're slipping far and fast away. i'm trying to rid myself of unnecessary areas of poorly stewarded time, namely material things.

to one david lee: the challenge, is accepted.