i didn't write out my last blog correctly

i'm just breaking my combo for going out, cuz i'm going to hawaii

haha, don't worry Russ, guys like us don't change. =D

swag.-neverme.

game.-neverme.

cool.-neverme.

HOUSE PARTY 2.-is going to be the crescendo to partying for me.

i'm turning in my badge&gun, it was fun, but i'm done.

intro-deuces.

You have to understand: most people were scared around Bezos because they were waaaay too worried about trying to keep their jobs. People in high-level positions sometimes have a little too much personal self-esteem invested in their success. Can you imagine how annoying it must be for him to be around timid people all day long? But me -- well, I thought I was going to get fired every single day. So fuck timid. Might as well aim high and go out in a ball of flame.

https://plus.google.com/u/0/110981030061712822816/posts/AaygmbzVeRq

//Quick summary about this guy, he works at google and recently released an internal memo ripping google&amazon that went viral.
//Luckily, google let him keep his job, and now he's famous.
//this is a quote from his latest follow up post
//this guy's attitude is awesome

hawaii.needs.to.come.now.

I haven't even seen footloose yet. and i probably wont for $15. lolol but this song is easily one of the better covers i've heard in recent days.

ladies, enjoy.

This is why I still have my pass.  and i thank my parents enough for NOT buying a pass for me when I was a kid. Everytime i think of my childhood. i remember the mornings when my parents would wake me with...

"Justin, guess what we're doing today...?

we're going to disneyland!!!

i still remember the rush of putting on my socks. (no where in the memory of childhood, have i ever been excited to put on my socks other than these type of days)
getting my clothes on, brushing my teeth, and being ready in less than a minute. it would normally take me 12 minutes. in fact a minute is probably too fast. but it felt like less than a minute in subjective kid time (you know 5 minutes = 1 hour, unless you're playing video games and it's reversed)

and it was on the randomest days...so i couldn't predict it...(damn my parents are smart ::scratches chin::)
my parents knew that i was about average (in terms of common sense)
and that i would be aware of my birthday coming around the corner (what kid doesn't know when their bday is...right?)
birthday coming...something good is probably going to happen...put 2 and 2 together, carry the 5 ::pause::....so that would add up to a possible birthday surprise or event or something awesome... (remember, i'm on average for common sense)
so they leveled me and chose to surprise me on random days during the year.
"clever gurrrrl"

and those are the days are i remember still, and is probably why i still love disneyland as much as i do.
&i usually got to bring a friend with me (generous parents+only child=bring a friend)
the two times i really remember were with aaron straz. and the other time was with chris tillman.

damn.
two of the best days of my childhood.

gosh, I still remember. priceless. =]

start changing.

i was thinking about this past weekend and really there has been so much on my mind.

just this past weekend, i was driving to HB to see 50/50 and i was passing westminster cemetery and i haven't been there in...i don't know how long, but a long time... and i thought about visiting my family (my entire family is buried there). so i checked the rear view and saw that it was clear; so i crossed 3 lanes and managed to get over. i then proceeded to drive around and get out where i thought the graves were, but sadly, i couldn't find them. i continued on looking, but i ran out of time....i had no idea where they were.

50/50 caused me to think of my deceased family and how death is always right around the corner. and how we just don't know when our time is up.
the movie just dug up so many things that i've had to deal with time and time again.

sidenote:
50/50 - awesome movie. best movie this year. i wont spoil any of it. but i'll talk to you if you wanna trade thoughts.

but that brings us to today's RIP.

gg steve. your commencement speech was amazing. it really resonated with me. mostly cuz, i'm pretty much in agreement with most of what you said. and to be honest, i'm going to probably have to use some of that wonderful life experience you've had and just go with my gut feeling in the years to come.

::Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.::


this one is so ill. this is one of the things i've learned first-hand through witnessing death so often in my life. 
death is the ultimate equalizer. 
it doesn't eff around, but gets right to the heart of the matter. 


if you die right now, are you satisfied with what you've done, how you've lived, and who you have become? 
such a sick question because of the answer for it.


::Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.::


ahh, wise words from a decent man. another thing i've grown to learn over the course of this year is that we are all unique in how we are made.
fact: be who God created you to be. yourself. not someone else. 
fact: no two people see EVERYTHING the same exact way and that's fine. in fact it's more than fine because it's perfect and that's how it should be. 
it tilts me so hard when i hear/see people not being who they are wired to be. i mean, who really cares? especially when they just "go with it" and "settle" and end up being someone they aren't. that's complete crap IMO. i'm not saying don't stretch/grow yourself, but how about you just be you instead. be who God wants you to be.



I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
(Psalm 139:14 ESV)


it is meant to be this way. dont be like middle man mcgee you see everyday, he's got his own life to worry about.
cut the middle man out. the only person you should try to be, is Christ.
but in this process, just be you. and be the best you possible.


::Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.::





thanks for your life steve. i'll remember your words of wisdom. 

I'm giving myself a set amount of time to write out my thoughts. ~10 minutes

whatever is transcribed is staying...i'm not re-editing this post (other than spelling). no veto power if it comes out bananas.

• Jedi vs. Sith - there's two places you can come from when you grind out life. you can be motivated by the hate, the power, the evil in the world and no doubt, this is sick motivation. it will put you over so many other people who are just in the middle and refuse to do anything. and lets get it straight, there's a lot of people who fall into the middle. who simply let life pass them by. and i definitely have been in that category. so sith is powerful, but even more so are the jedi. and although we know that they get jacked, the Jedi/Rebellion eventually wins out and it's the because of who they are. 
• Harry vs. Voldemort - ok, i wont ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen/read the phenomenon known as harry potter, but basically they're two different wizards who are trying to get rid of the other. i'm not going to claim to be a expert at either, but i'm seeing a trend right here. harry is pure. voldemort is not. lolol. they fight and apparently Harry > Voldemort. but the thing is...it's because of where they were coming from...one was bent on ruling the wizard/entire/world domination - the other was simply fighting for survival and for his family, and for his friends. motivated by love.
• WELL...i think the reason i wanted to talk about these two analogies is that both the Jedi and HP weren't the ones who desired anything other than peace. they wanted love. they wanted to be left the efff alone. and what happens when the jerk kid on the playground isn't happy with one toy, but wants two? well someone is losing in that equation and it's the person who wants peace.  however, it's never enough. the desire for power gets you only so far, but leaves you short. the hate and anger that is at the heart of this only lasts so long. it's too long and cold of a road to make it.  and you trade in everything that have in exchange for it. you have a limited amount of life. and that's yours to decide what to do with.
• all in all. i wanted to just talk about life and grinding it out. i think this past year i've been motivated mostly by spite and hate and judgement and other things this year. mostly just figuring out life and whateverrr but the point of this was simply to say that life is short. death is the ultimate equalizer, we're all headed there at some point. and that choosing what motivates you everyday is what you're ultimately giving your life to.
• is the motivation hate
• or is the motivation love.

is the motivation yourself.

or is the motivation others.

is the motivation yourself.

or is the motivation Christ.

and at the heart of this...is just what i've been going through and life isn't easy. and i'm not perfect. and i'm learning all the time.

i have to make this moment count. so i'm going to make tomorrow count.

i'm going to make right now count.

and i'm going to make my life count.

it's going to be something. and i'm not (time ran out here...but i'll finish my thought) going to let it just pass me by. i'm going to put myself out there and not be afraid to fall because i'm going to keep getting back up and keep going and keep grinding and it's cuz i started to realize that i could care less what everyone else thinks, i'm not stopping.