use it or lose it.

over the past month, i've been given a precarious luxury that not many in my age group can afford at the moment.

time to think

&to be honest, the first part of this unemployment phase has been more of a picking up pieces of life and making sense of the situation i'm faced with...unemployment.

thoughts initially provoked came through self interrogation centered on the ideas of uncertainty, of doubt, and of failure.

however, at the forefront of my mind, cropped one idea: dissatisfaction with my life.

how do i go about solving this question...?

i believe the answer is simple in form:

it's time for a change

the questions that many people ask themselves when faced with their future tend to be one dimensional, however "practical" they may appear to be. in essence it's because they're only questions that scratch at carving out an existence, being happy, and weighing the options of difficulty and reward.

carving out an existence is something that i'm called to do- work. however i've been given more than i care to admit and know that if i do not make the most of what i've been given, i will have lost mass amounts of unrealized potential. the worst.

&being happy doesn't really mean much as happiness is a state of mind and emotion that seems to be ideal, but i appeal to the idea that "ignorance is bliss" and that appeasement of life is...to put it bluntly- missing the point.

difficulty and reward strike the ground into what may come of the American idea of a secure life. i could punt away more years of my life in search of a fine paying salary and security within the projected job market, but if there's anything i know, it's that nothing is guaranteed within the economy, let alone life.

i'm thinking about so many different options. i'm contemplating which ones are possible and which ones aren't and at times this may seem a bit overwhelming, but if i've learned a thing or two from Grant, it's that "it's good to have options" and there's nothing that i don't love about that.

but the questions i pestered myself with: "what am i good at, what makes me happy, what can i do best, what job do i want, how much monies will i need, and how is this all to be acquired?" were good, but elementary questions. even practical and wise to some degree. they were good to think about and flesh out... as it caused me to think...but i was omitting the very question that was crucial to coming about any change:

JT..."who" do you want to become and why?

you've been given a mind.
you've been given a heart.
you've been given a body.

and in what capacity will this body, will this mind, and will this heart be put to work in this world that most demonstrates the life that God has given me. a restored one. a born again one.

and i think if i answer this, no further questions are needed. worrying about what may or may not happen only generates unnecessary worry. and we're called not to worry.

i am starting to get on board with the idea that the details of life will take care of themselves. i only need to worry about waking up each and every day with the main point in mind that i will steward rightly the life that God has entrusted to me. to make the best of the plot that i've been given.

the opportunity and potential before me is a sick gift. i have nothing tying me down at the moment and the options are essentially limitless.

please pray with me that i don't squander it