i am a prideful sinner. these are not going to be an all inclusive exposition of my deepest and darkest, but more an analyzation of what the problems are and what they might stem from (obv sin) i'll try and tag them as "a ____ sinner" here to help document the different types of problems i find and the sin that plagues.
the following are my thoughts and (hopeful) progression.
the plan was this: in the morning i left super early to the office to avoid traffic and to go home early to pick up my dad while simultaneously avoiding traffic in the afternoon.
i thought i had left with enough time to get back and take my dad to pick up his car, but i didn't. in fact, i probably should have left earlier than an 1hr probably like 2hrs-ish. sigalert said it wasn't too bad on the 91W, so i figured i'd be fine.
:sigh:
alas, traffic was terrible. i called my dad and he tells me the place closes at 5. of course it's 4:30 and i'm in bellflower. Fail.
i think this feeling of failure made me want to drive home as fast as possible to try and remedy the situation, but no matter what, it was impossible to be home in time [and it would do no good] [[+i would get crappy gas mileage]] i have to accept the fact that i failed and move on. there is no changing the situation and i have to live with it. although tbh, i was sincerely mad and frustrated with myself.
:sigh:
alas, traffic was terrible. i called my dad and he tells me the place closes at 5. of course it's 4:30 and i'm in bellflower. Fail.
i think this feeling of failure made me want to drive home as fast as possible to try and remedy the situation, but no matter what, it was impossible to be home in time [and it would do no good] [[+i would get crappy gas mileage]] i have to accept the fact that i failed and move on. there is no changing the situation and i have to live with it. although tbh, i was sincerely mad and frustrated with myself.
i simply am a poor manager of my time. i've realized this more and more as life has made it evident. i mean, it's not news that i'm late on the regular.
i started to question why i was so mad. i wanted to just blame someone else...but for what? no one else was responsible...it was just me. i just didn't want the blame to fall on me...i wish it was anyone but me. but it was me!!! it was my fault. and fail. i think the thing i hate is disappointment; i felt bad. i hadn't felt like that in a while, tbh.
this is unnerving to say on my blog because it exposes me for what i am.
a prideful sinner who is irresponsible.
and this is the problem: my pride and my lack of discipline
i don't want to say this, because i don't wanna appear cowardice or weak before others. i feel that it shows a lack of confidence. and that's not attractive at all. i mean it's completely opposite of what's supposed to be found in a guy.
i don't want to say this, because i don't wanna appear cowardice or weak before others. i feel that it shows a lack of confidence. and that's not attractive at all. i mean it's completely opposite of what's supposed to be found in a guy.
[[unflattering to say the least...]]
with much of my life...i've carried a smug sense of pride in whatever i did. and the thing i can give testament to is that pride will result with sin, time and time again.
my pride is my fault. and i don't want sin or pride anymore. pride is such a crappy thing to have. it just completely obliterates any chance of being what we're called to be: humble.
"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble" James 4:6
to be humble and realize it's my pride that is preventing me from being honest about being late. i don't want to be the one who is to blame. but it is me. it's the same story with sin. i don't want it to be me. but it is. and i try to carry the burden rather than just humble myself and ask for forgiveness and grace. the problem lies in my trust. i rather put my trust in me, when i need to put my trust God. i want to believe i can solve the problem, when i can't. the only person who can solve it, is Jesus through his atoning sacrifice for me on the cross. how good is the grace he's given to us. praise be to God for the gospel and the grace that he's so freely given us.
my pride is my fault. and i don't want sin or pride anymore. pride is such a crappy thing to have. it just completely obliterates any chance of being what we're called to be: humble.
"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble" James 4:6
to be humble and realize it's my pride that is preventing me from being honest about being late. i don't want to be the one who is to blame. but it is me. it's the same story with sin. i don't want it to be me. but it is. and i try to carry the burden rather than just humble myself and ask for forgiveness and grace. the problem lies in my trust. i rather put my trust in me, when i need to put my trust God. i want to believe i can solve the problem, when i can't. the only person who can solve it, is Jesus through his atoning sacrifice for me on the cross. how good is the grace he's given to us. praise be to God for the gospel and the grace that he's so freely given us.
so i'm going to be more disciplined in reading and studying. in everyday activities and lowly ones as well. i'm going to be more humble and go in thinking i am nothing be the lowest. i have so much to learn. i have to know that apart from Christ. i am nothing. and that's the honest truth.
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