for some reason i have been addicted to typing my posts with multiple last letters. just a thought.

HellO fellow blog readers! i haven't really updated this because i've been pretty busy this week. i think i'll quickly summarize what's been keeping me away (boring stuff) and then in my next blog talk about my latest project (fun stuff to me, but still might be boring).

btw. thanks for reading my last blog, it was awesome to hear the overwhelming response and how some of you shared stories of how sovereign our God truly is. =] Praise to His name.

This past week was a true test of my enduring patience that i've so easily failed to acquire through studious hours in school. I had 3 midterms with a paper due on wednesday. i had one midterm a day (mon, tues, and wed). The tuesday midterm was especially hard since it's in environmental studies 3, which is a crappy weeder class, but i needed something on TR in the morning. so that was the pick. :sigh:

STORY TIME~!
Preface: so on the Env S 3 midterm...i'll have to answer one ID from each list of 12 (24 ID's total). we'll be given 3 options from each list. then there will be a final essay encompassing all 300+ pgs i didn't read of this book. i told grant (who's birthday was that day) that i was going to gamble and pick 5 from each list and just know those and if i know it, i know it. if i dont, i dont. probably not the greatest strategy, but whatevers...it was too late to think of another plan. anyways, i ended up studying like crazy for that night and i fell asleep with my computer next to me...
Chapter 1:
the class starts at 930. and not to be early to my midterm, i was managed to be woken up not only by grant, but as well as my alarm, and my snooze alarm...only to finally get out of bed after a dream...at which my clock read at 930!~!~!! adfkla;sfka!!! noOOO. so i hobble out of bed(still injured) and grab my keys and go outside.
i see that greg's car is still blocking me. NOO!!! so i look and russ' car is not blocked [since grant is at work.] i see russ' keys (bike and house key in all) grab them in a panic, and book it over to Campbell hall. i pay for parking, and do my best to run felt more like a peg legged pirate doing a 40. i get in and professor graves just shakes his head at me and hands me a blue book w/test. i (thankfully) find an end seat and get to work.
Chapter 2:
i open up the blue book and scan the ID's. PRAISE GOD. i KNOW ONE FROM EACH list of 3. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! PRAISE GOD! so i scribble what i know about each. pSH. GREECE AND THE BLACK DEATH FTW!
then i go to the main essay, and i basically just outline why spaniards pwn up the new world with boom boom sticks. simple stuff. i managed to run through this and finish right before we had to turn it in.
Chapter 3:
i hobble out, drop russ' keys off at his work aka the building next to Campbell. Cheadle. aka, i've never been in there the entire 4 years at UCSB. hilarious. there's no classes there cuz it's all administrative stuff. anyways, i drive his car back home, and i actually have no keys to get in since my keys are in the house. OH NO!
conclusion:
i txt greg when will you get out of class, not for a while. so i txt bass and no response. T_T sadddd. butttt then!!! i hear the dooor crack open, and i'm like YES!!!! it's bassy to the rescue. i was like, wait, why didn't you text me back, and he's like...ohhh, it's in my room. Nvm. i roll inside and begin to just lay down from that mess of a test i just ran through. crazy morning.

i then studied for my ASaM160 midterm and did ok on it the next day. then i studied and did the paper due in jap165... so in class i watch this amazing movie called Densha Otoko. translated as Train_Man.
bbbasically. he's a Japanese geek who starts dating this girl when he intervenes on a subway with a drunk man harassing her. it's an amazing story, that i didn't get to finish, but i can speculate how it ends.
it was pretty awesome. definitely recommend it.

the week overall was tiring and draining. like i couldn't catch up reading, and what not. but thankfully, i can now. even though i have another midterm on Monday with a paper again. AHHH i was so far behind in my bible reading. thank God for these few days so i can catch up again.

so that's that for now. kind boring, i know, but this was like those lost episodes that weren't quite what you had in mind, but the next one will be awesome. (for me at least)...

laterrr

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John 12:24

to be honest, this is super personal. still, i've realized, blog readers, i want to share the deepest part of my life with everyone who reads this blog. i dont know who knows this or not, because when i get asked about it, i haven't necessarily brought it up. i think as of late, i've brought it up more. but in the past, i remember shying away from it.

every april, i tend to get pretty emotional. and i cry a lot. just by myself...and i just try to hide it from everyone...

i recently heard josh kira talk about how he's a robot when it comes to crying with movies. and only two books have ever made him cry. but i thought to myself, i half wish i had that ability to be less emotional. and no, my emoness is not because i have some kind of thing with baseball starting. it's not because of the nba playoffs. or stanley cup playoffs. it's not because i have friends (grant and russ) who's birthdays are this month.

nope. it's got nothing to do with any of that.

so wait, why are you an emo kid?

the reason why i'm so emotional is because this is the month when my brother, Brady, past away. I was about 3 years old and he was about 3 months old. i don't always share about him with people, simply because it stings, and people dont know what to say other than "i'm sorry" in response. to be honest... i didn't even know how to take this. i would just smile and say thanks.

but later, i would realize that they shouldn't be sorry because of the product that his death produced. however, while i was young, i thought that if i didn't talk about it when i was younger, it wouldn't hurt (kinda sweeping it under a rug, per say). although, i was terribly wrong...oh does it hurt still. i'm not angry or bitter or anything like that, but it just pains me to think about him and passing away.

you know, like a wound that will always just be there.

how did he die?

Brady was born with a disease called Werdnig Hoffman Disease. the way that it affected him was he was paralyzed from his neck down, and we had to move him and prop him up. he couldn't breathe due to his lungs being shaped like a bell. anyways, he was suffering a lot to just live and if he progressed any longer, he would have been on a machine for the rest of his life and it would have been harsh. but he lasted for a whole 3 months and those were some of the most crazy months of his/my/my family's life. everything happened so fast, i didn't know what to think. he was here, and then gone. i wish i could've gotten to know him better and just watch him grow up... i wish i would've treasured the time more. but no matter. he was here for the perfect amount of time as ordained by God.

why do i share about this?

because, i know that God had a huge plan for this, and it's still unfolding to this day. the verse at the beginning is a great example of what my brother's short life has become...because of the life of my brother, a huge amount of things have happened. for one, it is the reason why i came to salvation.

Salvation, you say?

yeah, well...i found it hard to reason that my brother simply went no where after death. even at three, i was definitely thinking about these things. i asked my mom where he went. she took the moment to explain that he went to heaven. and then i started asking about when/how will i get to heaven? like...do i swing on a big swing to get there? or is there a ladder? (so i wasn't very smart at reasoning how to get to heaven...lol) she went through the gospel message with me & i accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior and since then have been going through the extensive process known as sanctification. but the main point of this story is that i was inquisitive about heaven and a relationship with Christ because of my brother's death. he was the reason/spark of how i learned about the death of Christ and His atonement for my sins. i wanted to know Christ and live forever in eternity with both Him and my brother...all i had to do was repent of my sins and ask for forgiveness, that Christ would reign in my life from that day forward. suhweet.

why are you writing this post?

When people meet me, one of the most frequented questions, is if i have any siblings. i used to say yes and explain the whole process of his death. however, i became jaded by this process and i started to just say nah and leave it at that. I just got tired of feeling hurt about sharing with my brother to people i just met. i didn't feel it was worth it. but the flip side was that since i didn't tell them i had any siblings...they'd go on with the only child banter and how i'm probably spoiled and what not. which bothered me, but not as much as if i brought up my brother. so i just started to shy away from talking about Brady.

then my heart turned drastically...and i started feeling that it was a tragic mistake not to tell people about him. it was almost like i was taking him away/out of my life...and why would i do that? because there was a matter of comfort? just to save me some kind of ease, i would forfeit knowledge of the existence of my brother to others...? how terrible i felt that was of me...so i decided it was going to change, because if i get to share about my brother...i can share about how i came to know Christ as my Savior. which is the best.

i love the hearing the awesome ways in how people come to salvation, and my testimony dealt with my brother's death causing me to hear about the gospel from my mom. just think...it's so much easier to bring up Christ and his redemptive power on the cross now because of the way my brother was used by God. so now when people ask, i just have to be faithful in sharing about it.

this is why, i share about him. i know there aren't many people who read my blog, but those that do, i pray you'll count your blessings about your siblings. i know i do. even though he wasn't here long, he made the biggest impact for my entire family. especially me.

What else did his life have an effect on?

so some of you might know that my dad is overseas on missions right now. and he's been sending emails to update everyone about his whereabouts and how it's been going overall.

i was reading my dad's emails/updates from his kenya trip and there was a part i wanted to share with everyone...

"We finally get there, set up the PA, projector and screen and in the next shelter they are already cooking the food for the meal later. We are serving rice, beans, and beef or chicken. The church size will hold about 200+ people jammed in together like sardines in a can.

We show the Jesus film in Kiswahili, which is their language so they can understand. More and more people keep coming to jam into the small room, so many they are hanging out the door! Ok what comes next kind of shocks me… I knew that I would be preaching/sharing, but I thought it would be after the feeding… So I am sitting there casually waiting so we can help serve the food. Then Pastor Paul and Mike called me up to speak! Pastor Paul interpreted for me while I spoke on the stage. To let you know it was all God.

I told them, that I know there are many who die each day here and many are young children. But they are not alone and I want to share a personal story that God laid on my heart.

I shared and talked about how sometimes we can be separated or angry with God and shared a story about my other son, who died when he was 4 ½ months. I told them how mad I was at God for 8 long years and I had a stand off with God. Then the vision/miracle came to me while I was at a church meeting just like this sitting in the back. When the last prayer came I bowed and then all of sudden there wasn’t anyone there. I was in the front pew and along side of me was this figure like an angel glowing pure white holding my son who had died; and up on the stage was a larger figure brighter white. I tried to talk but nothing came out… Then the figure on the stage spoke to me and slowly and comforting said… “It’s alright Gerald, it is alright. Just as I had to give my son for everyone’s sins, you must also give your son to me too.” Then the figure at the right walked up and gave my son to the other figure. I knew that it was truly God at the stage speaking and telling me that it was all right and my son would be fine…when I released my son to him, it was over. I was back at the meeting looking down to see that there was a puddle of tears below me and I was sobbing. My 8 years of angry mad spirit was gone and in place was that warm comforting feeling that you have when you are totally emotionally drained and you are being held tight.

It was God that met me there; He was always there but He chose the time & place to heal me and bring me back. I told the crowd that I knew that many of them had experienced pain and suffering from loosing a child and I know that it hurts so very much; and that you can be so angry at God for taking that loved one. But I was there to tell them that it was alright and that God is loving your child and you have to release this anger hate and leave it all at God’s footsteps. He will meet you, heal you and love you. The bible promises that there is nothing that can separate you from the love of God; He is there to meet you wherever you are, just come back. He died for you and wants to have a relationship with you again. I told them I wanted to pray for those who are in this position…

Then Pastor Paul jumps in and preaches about what I had just said and here is your chance to come to know Jesus. He talked for a few minutes and then said to me to tell them to come. So I did… 4 mothers and a man that works for Pastor Paul all came up! There were others, but since it was so crowded they had to just stand where they were. They were all sobbing and crying and said please pray for them, for salvation and so that they could release this anger at God too. I was in shock too! Then Pastor Paul tell them the Pastor will lead you in prayer, so I thought he meant Pastor Mike! But he gives me the mike, so I prayed the salvation prayer for them! I can’t begin to tell you how I felt about all of this… I hugged each of the mothers and man and they grabbed me and told me that yes they felt that same way against God and questioned how could he really love? They thanked me, saying that they were ready to meet God right here and now; and would lay those feelings, thoughts at the cross! I still am in awe of God’s overwhelming love no matter what the circumstances! I just broke down and cried with them… "

to be honest, i never really heard him say most of that about my brother. but i cried through reading most of this because it's so just so honest as a testament of God's good and perfect will. Praise God for the good work He's been doing in those Kenyan people and for the work He has done in my Dad. i never thought i'd see anything like this. But God is so faithful and sovereign beyond my feeble understanding. He had the master plan from the beginning of time. but to see so much be unfolded to this point, it just brings me to my knees in the overwhelming amount of love and grace bestowed upon my life. Praise be to God alone for He is worthy.

tldr;

-my brother is way that God used to lead me to salvation

-my brother is a tool that was used to tell people in Kenya about salvation in Christ

-my brother is the reason why my dad suffered and changed.

-my brother's short life on earth has had an eternal effect on the lives that he touched around him

i love him so much and i'll never forget him. Praise be to God for Brady's life.

wait...what is the title all about?

oh...it's what i used to say to my brother when i would play with him. i actually don't know why, but i knew he was a happy kid deep down. i couldn't have been more right.

"you're a happy baby..."=D

so i pretty much can't catch a break.

for the past weeks...i've been wanting to work out and get back into shape. but for the past 3 weeks, i've been occupied by school (graduation and studies), life (friends and family), and injuries. i'd say the number 1 contributor to this problem is the fact that i haven't really had a string of unfortunate events in a row, until now. so you can either re-read my blog over the last couple weeks. or you can read my quick recap. (just keep reading)

week 1 - get back to school, frantically search for a 5th class. -(eventually find one)-

week 2 - get the bubonic plague from mike, stay sick for about a week. -(still able to go on retreat)-

week 3 - get into a crappy bike accident, arm and knee are almost scab free in a week. -(allows me to get out of missing a class)-

week 4 - play IM ball on wednesday with NSU...

which brings us here...about 15 minutes into the game (i've been in for 4), we're down like 7 or something at this point. so me and greg are pressuring their best play at the top of the key and he throws a fake pass to get me in the air. he turns and passes it the other way. well, it just so happens, that i managed to land on his foot and my ankle turns like crazy. i honestly haven't turned my ankle since maybe freshmen year or back in HS so it's been a while. the only problem with this is that my left ankle is my weakest ankle because i fractured it when i was young and ever since, it's never been strong.

so i know i could've probably prevented this wearing ankle braces...but i'm just too lazy for that (and honestly over 4 years, who can blame me) the kobe 3's are really great at keeping my ankle secure to be honest. and i think this might've been one of the only ways that you can sprain in those shoes. their ankle high with a strong amount of support as well as a great center of balance.

anyways, please pray for quick recovery so i can attend my midterms next week.

haha, this maybe gross, but i thought i'd show you the difference in my ankles. as you can see clearly on the left, there is a huge swelling on the left side. ughhh so lame.

i've been super busy as of late. i had a midterm and 5 page paper due yesterday. i have a closed reading, practice midterm essay, and about 2 books to read in order to catch up to where i'm supposed to be, both assignments are due tomorrow. i have 2 midterms next week. it's been pretty racking on my ability to multitask, focus, and be a good steward of my time.

This morning, amidst the steady rain that poured on me to give me nice soaked jeans, i gave a presentation in my RG ST class about the meaning of life pertaining to a book we're in. As i was thinking about my response question, i wished i could've just talked about how i'm a Christian who draws everything from a holy, perfect God, who gives me my purpose.

although, i only had 10 minutes to split with 3 other guys to talk about our weekly reading, something clicked inside my head as i talked with my classmates. so many people...who i just assume have heard the gospel...(actually, i just don't even think about them at all [i'm a terrible person] ) have not heard about and don't even know who God is. i think if i had a guess before i would've said at least 30% of the people in my class have probably heard of Christianity and probably have a vague idea of what it is. i actually think that my percentage is wayyy off. and it's like 15% maybe 10%.

i quoted from the book we're in (Psychological theories of Relgion):

"If the most basic motivating force in human existence is the pursuit of meaning, then the distinguishing characteristic of religion is the pursuit of ultimate meaning usually through a relationship to a transcendent God."

i asked them what they felt their meaning was. who they felt they were accountable to- themselves, or to God? or a relationship with Him? Do you draw your idea of who you are from yourself, or is it something predisposed to you by your parents/people you live with? from God?

they responded with answers that all rely upon themselves. i look to me for my meaning. i am my own definition. i am accountable to myself. i don't believe in God. i, i, i...

it was sad, but honest. The closest thing about God was when a girl said was that she went to church on easter and christmas. i might actually talk to that girl later. actually, i'm going to talk to her. no more crappy "i might" thoughts.

I think i just have been assuming my entire life that since America is a predominantly Christian based nation (and i grew up around Christians), i assume people have a basic religious affiliation to Christianity because i've always been around them. how foolish of me. (as i write in my blog, i realize how much more foolish i am, than i actually perceive myself to be. i am so weaakk sauce) =| this is exactly why i need to be more active in my faith in talking/living it out to people who don't know, who haven't heard.

The thing i am missing the most is more of the Word of God in my life. i look at my bible and wish i could read more all the time, as i have been trying to read 15 chapters a day, but i've been lagging because of the massive overload of school work. i was thinking about it, and i wish i had more time in the day so i can accomplish more. not possible... =\ o wells.

i need to talk to my roommate more too. :sigh: please pray for his salvation. lots of things to do, and not so much time to do it in.

since, we're in the season of NBA playoffs...this made me laugh and i hope it makes you laugh too... i'm going to buy his jersey if they knock off the cavs. or i might just get it anyways. HIGH LARIOUS.

so i've been trying to study this weekend because i have hw in all five of my classes. this has lead me to read a large number of pages from readers and books. (or trying to)

all in all, it's pretty lame since the stuff is on the whole dry. there are few lights of hope, but it's kinda just sad because it's not in my religious studies class.

in sum, RG ST is pretty heretical. the professor is pitiful IMO because he tends to have the most wishy-washy stances in his class. for example, he'll make it a point to talk about christianity about 70-80% of class, from which i get giddy because his teaching might actually amount to something good...and then he'll completely re-work his stance later in that remaining amount of time. = [ why the face!?!?!?! i get all excited, and then i know i'm going to be let down by his adjusted viewpoints in the late part of class. (kinda like how a certain person M feels about bay area sports/fantasy bball)

actually i'll go on record that it's not just re-worked, but a complete abandonment of any truth he had going in the beginning and this is the problem. one of things he talked about is mysticism. and then he integrated it with Christianity and i'm like, this is going to be fail. at this my expression just goes nooo! =O~!!!! i start shaking my head because i see a handful of people agree with him. he then proceeds to start equalizing religions and making everyone believe that whatever brings you a sense of right/one with the world/god...is right. truly a travesty to have a person in the position of high standing- teaching & leading so many people in circles to utter fail (and impending doom).

i thought about calling him out in class. but tbh, i dont know what i'd say. i dont know what the argument would entail. i feel very unprepared for those types of situations. i also would be slightly scared of the people around me, it's unnerving to speak in front of 100+ of your peers. i think if i spoke, i dont want to come off as uneducated or have a flawed argument as that would be a crappy representation of Christianity. I know if i put my faith and trust in God he'll have it covered, but i just have to shove myself out there. i should raise my hand and put the guy on the spot next time it comes up. hmm...i'm going to have to think about this more.

hmm...so the other night i saw kick*** with taka and mike the other night...AMAZING. go see it. solid 9/10. might be the best movie this yeaRRR? it's possible...but the show is stolen by Hit Girl. she's super raw and hilarious. what a great combo.

I also went to the COUNTER last night with drew, for the first time -_- i knoWWW. for those that have known about this place for years...yes, i've been missing out. for those that don't knowww...it's pretty much custom burger joint...so i went with grilled onions, lettuce, fried egg, avacado, and provolone quesssso. bomb diggity. the other thing that's bomb about this place is that we actually sat at the counter and they have like 10 ? beers on tap. my favorite kinds too, newcastle, blue moon, heff, fat tire, and ipa. i mean, how do you have those on tap!?!? this place is definitely going into my gem box as it's amazinGGG.

last point... i've been suffering from buying numerous things off whiskey militia, i think if i tallied it up, which i could (but i'm too scared too), i would have like 10+ articles of clothing since the new year. plus a few sunglasses....why the face again...

and for those ABDC fans...jabba is still 100% rawww.

so i was riding my bike to school today, and being the responsible student i am, was going on time. since today is my long day 11-630 [i mentally psych myself up for it...jk not really =p] unfortunately, on the way to school today. i had a biking accident.

i normally am a good biker. however, i'm going around the curve over by carillo. it drops and turns left...kinda like the racetrack at laguna seca. (sort of) i turn and i can feel the front wheel start to slip. and i know right then that i'm going down. really though, my sandals went everywhere and i pretty much attacked the ground...

so i managed to get my hands/elbows out so i didn't mess up my face. but

in the process, i managed to scrape up myself pretty badly. i took some illustrative pictures, but tbh, it's not terrib

le. it was more the fact that i ate it so badly with everyone watching. :sigh:

i got up and saw that my handbrake was bent away from it's normal state. like in a 90 degree angle. awayyy from the handle bars. pretty lame. =[

i then proceeded to stand up but felt like i was going to faint so i sat down and chilled for a bit.

i also ripped a small hole in these new shorts and well, it's only clothes.

i decided then that i was going to take a sick day until my afternoon class where i have a quiz. hillary saw me walking my bike home and helped me clean up at her house. thanks hil. =D then i went to cvs to get some bandages, neosporin, and hydrogen peroxide. gosh that stuff stings.

cleaned up my wounds more, and then watched lost and glee.

both are amazing. but honestly. lost is getttinggg sooo gooodd. i'm glad i caught up with it.

anyways, short blurb. just wanted to post up about falling down. =[ biking fail.

"He is so much more ready to forgive, than we are ready to repent."- E Chabaneix

God is so good. Praise to His name for His renown and glory.

so so so~! i actually managed to get better enough and make it to retreat. this weekend was amahzing. i haven't really told everyone everything about it, but i'm going to leave it short and sweet.

our speaker was Eric Chabaneix. who is so well versed in scripture. [and attended Masters!] he did a great job of presenting teaching that was both convicting and practical. =] God's Word is so active.

the picture he painted this weekend was with Jonah.

our situation: sinful, utter depravity.

Jonah was the antagonist of the story because he was presuming about so many things (mercy, deliverance, etc) however, we need to not be presuming about anything... especially the relenting of God's wrath or His deliverance of mercy and grace! [ i was reflecting on this fact in my life, and i've realized i have not had the right attitude and have been presuming about things i.e. school future ]. i need to be continually seeking for God so i do not have this presuming attitude! foolish jt.

we need to repent not for the reward of it, but because it is what is necessary and right to God. we have sinned, and before a holy and just Judge, we are guilty. if we are to ask if this is fair... it is! no matter what the end result is [possible annihilation or deliverance from God]...we need to repent. In fact, the most unfair act in history was Christ on Calvary dying for our iniquities! we have no say in any of this, since we were born sinners. God's acts in our sinful lives to save us are so counter intuitive. and grace is so ridiculous. it just doesn't make much sense to me, but obv. God is infinitely wiser than i, a mere sinner. i am just thankful He does give grace to sinners... it is ridiculous.

i was brought to tears multiple times this weekend because of the amount of conviction that the Word of God was bringing upon me. tbh, i got rocked. My previous heart was so calloused that even though there was brokenness so recently, there still remains so much necessary breaking, that i pray God will deliver me from.

on this note, i was talking to E Chabs about seminary, and he told me this story that pretty much made me cry (i did it away so others could not see). he was talking about one of his professors at masters who was like 70's or 80's, and they had been developing a friendship (because apparently you get to know your professors well at masters). and Chabs was talking about the things you never forget in life, and said a line from this professor. he was simply talking about his life in retrospect, and said,

"You know, the Lord still has so much sanctification left for me."

wow. that just blows me away. his humble and contrite spirit has allowed him to gain so much, yet there is so much that needs to be changed due to his sinful nature. simply amazing. that really broke my heart, and i plan to carry it with me for the rest of my life. =D what what!?!~

thank you to all the beacon peoples for making me feel welcome and part of the group. it was such a blessing to meet some of you and get to know everyone better. i can't wait for the future.

so on the school front. i got 20 units. Prof Ninh let me into her As Am 122 class!!! ahhhh, can you say i'm graduating this spring. i am ecstatic. i can't say how happy i am. i danced around in joy in my shower last night. lol. =D

God heard my cry, and delivered me. it's crazyyy! crazy awesome. =]

Praise to God!!!

hahaha, i know i've been titling my blogs with ftw quite a bit, but honestly, that turn of phrase is part of my daily vocabulary. and i mean, i get to graduate now. that is definitely ftw.

"But Ninevah has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?"

- God to Jonah - (Jonah 4:11)

-jt

so i actually got quite sick yesterday. in the days before that, i was feeling pretty groggy and crappy. like i couldn't get myself to work out or anything. and then it hit me like a brick wall.

i had caught a cold. it completely rocked my body from head to toe. i had the aches, chills, stuffy nose, and a splitting headache that wouldn't give. pretty much the flu, no?

--I was pretty pathetic--

i had a full day of classes and couldn't get out of going to any of them. i pushed from 11 - 5 and then came home. got some chicken noodle soup and a sangwhich from quizzie's. i drank some water and oj and proceeded to pass out.

i woke up every few hours to go to the bathroom and clear out my nose.

then i would drink more water and oj and then pass out.

in the brief moments before i would pass out, i cried out to God to make me healthy. i wanted to go on the beacon retreat so badly. and a sick jt would be in no condition to go.

however, whenever i'm sick, i somehow always come to the realization that i need to rely on God more. it is very positive in this way. it makes me realize how thankful i need to be for the simple things in life. like i realize how i just don't cry out to him continuously throughout the day. i might be listening to sermons or christian music, but my heart isn't always following suit to those words. This was unnerving to me and made me realize the frailty of this life. how precious life truly is.

anyways... He heard and answered my cry!!!

Today i awoke for my 9:30 class got there in time, and was feeling awesome. other than a minor nose plug, i'm feeling completely better. the only thing i need to make happen is the final 4 units so i can graduate this quarter. i haven't really worried about it, but it would be nice IMO to be done this quarter. whatever happens, i'll be good with it.

getting healed though... it's not even surprising. i've come to realize that the God i worship, is the same God who saves sinners. He is the same God who was, who is, and who will forever be praised. The same God who created the universe. Of course He's more than able to heal me. psh. how short sided can one be!?

anyways... Praise be to God!

the sickness drew me closer and readied my heart for retreat. i can't wait to see what God has in store to show me.

yayyy God. VICTORRRY!!!

=D

Easter is simply the best holiday. It's more the meaning behind the holiday that makes it the best.

i think growing up i might have said my favorite holiday was Christmas or my birthday. in fact, i know i did say those were my favorites. (yes, my birthday was a holiday IMO)

my mom jokes that everyday is my birthday. a musing idea with possible truth. but i'd rather not admit that in public.

back to Easter, so the reason why it's so awesome, is that it's the key point of the gospel message. Christ single handedly deals with the problem of our sin and conquers it. but he does it in such a interesting way. He doesn't deal with the imminent problems, such as the present suffering directly, but instead goes to where the problem lies, which is the root of sin. He knows where the actual problem lies and that's the spiritual situation of our souls. Since we are prone to depravity and are born with sin, this is what needs to be dealt with. Thankfully his death and resurrection seals the WIN for the elect. Jesus ftw. hmm...i want a shirt with this or maybe a rubber livestrong type band. that'd be legittt.

this past weekend, i was able to go to lighthouse's good friday service and i can't tell you how awesome it was to worship and celebrate with them. my spirit has been excited, encouraged, and put on fire by their love for God. God definitely shows up and it's His presence that makes the entire time perf. i saw daniel who is Russ' good friend. funny running into him. =] goodstuff though.

Saturday was chill, i just kicked it with mike for most of the day and we went swimming. Gosh i want a pool. it's soo relaxing. not to mention the hot tub. =]

Sunday was easter and thus meant family time. drew came to church with me at lighthouse and we got breakfast before. man, breakfast is amazing. i need to start doing that more often. =] we went to lunch at marukai and enjoyed some good japanese food. yayyy. it always makes me so happy to hang out with the lighthouse young adults. they're so exciting to be around. after lunchies, i dropped drewski's off and went to my aunties where we celebrated micah's 6th bday and had some good food.

For the record, the easter egg hunt has been one of my favorite times to watch the kids. a great story was a few years back, we had easter at my house in fullerton. we hid eggs all around the back yard and there was one that was placed pretty high near the rain gutter. Micah saw this and in his mind, thought he could get it. His train of thought must've been, "if i run fast enough, i'll be able to jump high enough and grab that egg" still, barring a divine intervention there was no way he was getting this egg. lol. but alas he ran in a extra wide circle and while running at full speed, jumps into the air to try and grab the egg. (i'll continue this story at the end)

i was thinking about it recently and i tried to find an analogy of how we are in an easter egg hunt and God knows where every egg is hidden. He watches as we search for them and sometimes when we can't seem to find any in sight, He points us into the direction that they're hidden. the eggs could represent a multitude of blessings and treasure that come in faithful searching and seeking after Him. or possibly just being obedient...either way, He knows where they are all hidden and each contain different blessings. haha, maybe this is a terrible analogy, but the main fact is that God is all knowing in our lives and is sovereign with our lives for His will.

back to the story of micah. so he jumps and obviously doesn't get enough air. Thus he ends up going straight into the sidewall of my house. his body rebounds off the wall and he lands on his back. i think my entire family got a good laugh out of the kid for this. i actually think about this from time to time and chuckle to myself.

so i thought of another analogy for this. and it's simply the fact that we think we can do so many things that we just aren't physically, mentally or spiritually able to. This could be with anything in life...but the fact is that we're confined by our limitations and sin. but the best part about it is that Christ is able to do everything for us. all we have to do is ask for his help and he'll be there. we do nothing, except let go and allow Him to take over. How awesome. and how simple! i am slowly learning how to let go of more things in my life so that God can take over the helm of my life. it's not as easy as it sounds, but more and more i'm able to witness the immense amount of satisfaction and contentment that follows with obedience.

It's not easy to fight sin, but the fact that God provides the out and is sovereign in my life makes the battle already won. I just have to be obedient to trust. and know that He's got me. =]

happy easter everyone.

God.

so i wrote out a sentence attached to God, describing what i felt at the moment towards God. which was something of utter fail because as i looked closer, i saw there was no need. i deleted some of the sentence, and then some more. as i came to see it, i left it just at who God is.

there was nothing i could exclaim or proclaim that i felt would do any type of justice to God. i left Him as is, because that is exactly who HE is. HE is holy, perfect in everything.

my small brain really fails when it comes to things such as this. i wish that i could understand more, but as i see it, i do less and more is accomplished by God for HIS glory. Praise Him.

i'd love to share a quick snapshot of what my life looks like right now:

1]

i'm 16units deep at the moment...with a desperate need for 4units more to complete my philosophy degree and graduate this spring. this class, phil 122, has 12 senior philosophy majors graduating this spring and we all need it. the problem is that the class is currently full and he is only taking 5 more spots. so that means 41% of us will be admitted. we all wrote half page essays on why we need to take the class. i kind of blanked and simply wrote why i can't do summer school due to ministry. however, as it is now, if i do get in. PRAISE GOD. if i don't and have to take summer school. PRAISE GOD. there is nothing standing in the way of me praising HIM for HE is GOOD.

2]

Last quarter of my collegiate undergraduate career. and i can't say i'm anything but nostalgic. to be honest, i'm actually agonizing leaving school because i won't live with grant as my roomie anymore. this deeply saddens me because he's been one of the best things to happen to me in college. God put the perfect person in my life to be my roommate in a huge transitionary period. i guess all good things have to end. we still haven't had a fight to this day. i mean, how does that not happen?! PRAISE GOD.

3]

My walk with God has been a nice adventure of constantly seeing how God is so faithful. The gospel message never seems to lose anything daily and i've been more and more convicted daily of my sin. it was good friday today, and i was thinking about how amazing God truly is, and how faithful HE is. i hope everyone had an amazing good friday. it truly is good since Christ secured the victory over sin for us with his payment on the cross. grace is just amazing.

4]

i've decided to do mt. hermon. there is no way that i can actually say i chose this without saying that God decided this for me. i was so torn between missions to japan and mt. h that i was stuck for a while. I contemplated both for hours and came to the conclusion that they both were good. i looked at the past two years of mt. hermon and saw how awesome God had been then and how faithful he is and has been with the boys that i've cabin lead. Those weeks of mt. hermon were some of the best weeks i've ever had and i wouldn't trade the experiences ever. i then remembered something craig kaneko helped me to understand. he said that we have free will and to utilize it by looking at both options, weighing in carefully and being practical & realistic in evaluating decisions involving ministry. after weighing the pros and cons of each, i made my decision and after making it official emailing everyone on both sides, i can say that i made the right decision. i felt completely at peace with my decision. it was awesome. i was relieved and there was this heavy burden lifted. it was so serene to be honest, cuz i was kinda tugged on both sides for so long.

5]

The last thing is probably the biggest thing. I am going to be able to intern at Lighthouse Community Church. I think Brian Chang is going to do this as well, and i can't say that i'm anything but honored to be going in with someone who's so amazing. i don't know him too well, but russ is our close friend and well, that pretty much makes us good friends like in-laws or something. but i'm so excited to do this, that i honestly am just in shock from being so happy. ahhhh, it's going to be amazing. and i can't wait to see the amazing fruit and harvest that God will produce. i think this will ultimately tell me a lot of unanswered questions pertaining to my future and where i should go from here. much prayer and thought will be done going into this and i can't wait to start. =D

i love God. so much awesome.