i am a prideful sinner. these are not going to be an all inclusive exposition of my deepest and darkest, but more an analyzation of what the problems are and what they might stem from (obv sin) i'll try and tag them as "a ____ sinner" here to help document the different types of problems i find and the sin that plagues.

the following are my thoughts and (hopeful) progression.

the plan was this: in the morning i left super early to the office to avoid traffic and to go home early to pick up my dad while simultaneously avoiding traffic in the afternoon.

i thought i had left with enough time to get back and take my dad to pick up his car, but i didn't. in fact, i probably should have left earlier than an 1hr probably like 2hrs-ish. sigalert said it wasn't too bad on the 91W, so i figured i'd be fine.

:sigh:

alas, traffic was terrible. i called my dad and he tells me the place closes at 5. of course it's 4:30 and i'm in bellflower. Fail.
i think this feeling of failure made me want to drive home as fast as possible to try and remedy the situation, but no matter what, it was impossible to be home in time [and it would do no good] [[+i would get crappy gas mileage]] i have to accept the fact that i failed and move on. there is no changing the situation and i have to live with it. although tbh, i was sincerely mad and frustrated with myself.

i simply am a poor manager of my time. i've realized this more and more as life has made it evident. i mean, it's not news that i'm late on the regular.

i started to question why i was so mad. i wanted to just blame someone else...but for what? no one else was responsible...it was just me. i just didn't want the blame to fall on me...i wish it was anyone but me. but it was me!!! it was my fault. and fail. i think the thing i hate is disappointment; i felt bad. i hadn't felt like that in a while, tbh.

this is unnerving to say on my blog because it exposes me for what i am.
a prideful sinner who is irresponsible.

and this is the problem: my pride and my lack of discipline

i don't want to say this, because i don't wanna appear cowardice or weak before others. i feel that it shows a lack of confidence. and that's not attractive at all. i mean it's completely opposite of what's supposed to be found in a guy.

[[unflattering to say the least...]]

with much of my life...i've carried a smug sense of pride in whatever i did. and the thing i can give testament to is that pride will result with sin, time and time again.
my pride is my fault. and i don't want sin or pride anymore. pride is such a crappy thing to have. it just completely obliterates any chance of being what we're called to be: humble.

"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble" James 4:6

to be humble and realize it's my pride that is preventing me from being honest about being late. i don't want to be the one who is to blame. but it is me. it's the same story with sin. i don't want it to be me. but it is. and i try to carry the burden rather than just humble myself and ask for forgiveness and grace. the problem lies in my trust. i rather put my trust in me, when i need to put my trust God. i want to believe i can solve the problem, when i can't. the only person who can solve it, is Jesus through his atoning sacrifice for me on the cross. how good is the grace he's given to us. praise be to God for the gospel and the grace that he's so freely given us.

so i'm going to be more disciplined in reading and studying. in everyday activities and lowly ones as well. i'm going to be more humble and go in thinking i am nothing be the lowest. i have so much to learn. i have to know that apart from Christ. i am nothing. and that's the honest truth.

I am officially a summer intern for Lighthouse Community Church.

Ahhhhhhh!!!! so exciting. This is such a great opportunity. I get to hang out with a bunch of Godly Guys, (and Woman) only to be able to use them as a resource in my study daily. This is going to help me build a strong foundation for future use and possible seminary next year (???). I decided to wait a year to build more work experience and to allow myself ample rest before I start a great endeavor.

I'll get an opportunity to preach and be "critically assessed" by the rest of the staff. I'll also be working with the youth ministry at LIGHT (or the Jr. High ministry). I can't wait till this all happens. AHHHH. super exciting!

lol @BE LA. i think it should just be like that one guy's shirt i saw...

BEAT EVERYONE. hahahaha. 100x more efficient.

i haven't really had much time to write in this thing because ever since i got back, my life has been to the pace of something like "wham, bam, thank you ma'am."

i'll write a recap of college later... like what i got from the experience, but for now i'll just talk about what's good...

music: busta rhymes ft. linkin park - we made it

I got back sunday night, and then knocked out asap at home.

Monday: i FINALLY got my car tuned. we just did 3rd gear pulls on alameda up and back. he also hooked me up with a custom map that was done to a similar build on a dyno so he just tweaked a few things here and there. my car is pulling like a champ now with vtec engaging at 3000rpms. (for those who don't speak car lingo (aka everyone who reads my blog)VTEC is basically when my car starts going vroom and it gets more fast and furious and less double clutching like you should) after tuning it up, i went to dinner with my auntie, uncle mom and dad @ charlie palmers. it was pretty bomb dot com. i had the duck which was pretty delish. that paired with some foie gras and amazing dessert...the whole night was a success.

Tuesday: i saw a couple movies (karate kid) and chilled out a lot. pretty much didn't do much other than enjoy life and eat well. played with jc/mimi/stephen/mike. swam a little. little dim sum here. little lawry's carvery there.

oh, did i mention i went to game 6? probably the second greatest sporting event i've ever been to second only to going to the world series in 02' when we came back from a 5-1 deficit to the SF Giants. Thank you Michael Yamada for the sickest graduation gift (he got russ a ticket too). i dont think there is even a price i could put on how happy i was for the game. it's something i'm never going to forget and probably tell my kids one day about. =D

here's a pic from the game after the win.

Wednesday was awesome cuz we got korean bbq and we went to the angel's game (thanks stephen) where it was super hot outside. we decided to get some helmet sundae's only to find that they dont have helmet sundaes anymore. WHAT!?!? so we talked to the lady at the stand, and she was saying they're promoting the all star game hardcore so we got these crappy rally monkey ice cream holders. lameee. first game this whole season for me. finally. btw. we won. =D

thursday i was at danny k's which was chill since me and taka were the last people to get in before it hit capacity. we went with chong and we found naito's friend little b. we somehow luckboxed into perfect seats in front of the jumbotron inside (since b's friends didn't make it in). it was REDONK in there. everyone was chanting along with staples. Crazy loud.

two celtic fans were leaving (chicks) and people were hurling insults and beer. the beer hurling was classless. although the insults were hilarious, but definitely not blog appropriate. then we hung out at taka's and played card games will 7am (BANG! and pokers)

anyways, there was another thing i wanted to mention...

on wednesday, i found out that i actually didn't graduate college. AHHH.NO~~!!!

i got a NP in my as am 160 class (politics with asians). NOOO! this can't be!~ i quickly emailed my TA who fwd'd my email to my professor. she then contacted me the next day. this is what she said...

Justin,
You did not do well in the final exam (scoring 61 out of 100), which
accounts for 30% of your grade.
With a total of 72.9 points in the final grade, you were assigned a
C-. The registrar then converted to a NP without our knowledge.
What is the minimum passing grade do you know? I can move you into a C
if it helps.
Pei-te

so that means, i'm 0.1% from a pass....and she'll move me into a C!?!?!

BANG BABY BANNG!!!

AHHH!!! Thank You God.

so i thus have had one of the best quarters of my collegiate career while doing 20 units (count it) and jedi'd my way into a pass in winter and spring my senior year... (yes this is embarrassing for most people, but then again idc)

=WIN!

so i graduated. officially. and the lakers won. can't really get much better atm.

"You are 16 going on 17, Baby its time to think. Better beware, Be canny and careful, Baby you're on the brink." ... of another championship next year. :D -Rolf (sound of music)

friday: went to the counter with kish, taka, tami and mike. AMAZING. was crazy full after that. and then taka tami and i went to sticky fingers for some shave ice. then we went to target. where i copped some jetstream pens and the book of eli/shutter island on bluray.

i then drove to stephen's where we kicked it for a quick minute then went to jc's. we met up and went to see Get Him To the Greek. AHHHHH this movie HIGH LARIOUS. pdiddy, was ridiculous. anyways, we did that, then went to jc's and started to watch the book of eli. then mike came through and drove me to hondaya. we ate like champs and then went back to jc's where i apparently passed out and snored for the loss. anyways, i woke up the next day at jc's couch.

saturday: so i drove home after saying good morning to mrs. cheng. then i went home and kicked it. and had some hat for lunchies. it was just aiite, something wasn't completely right with it. i think the meat wasn't fully cooked right. meh. whateverrr. then after this, i took a nice long nappy mcgrappy...to which i awoke and figured out the plan for the night. TOY STORY 3. HOLLER!!!

so we got a crew together ( taka, tami, chong, kish, drew, jc, lindsugino) and saw it at metropointe. AMAZING MOVIE! it lived up to hype and exceeded it. it was for sure good enough to be best movie. it's crazy how well pixar is at telling stories. sooo masterful.

anyways, since i took a nap, i'm up writing this when i should be sleeping for church tomorrow.

Monday i start my internship. AHHH, so crazy. but i'm definitely excited for it. yayyY! life is moving so quickly. ALSO Epic mission teams are moving out so if you could keep them in prayer...that'd be awesome.

follow their blogs or something. be productive. :D i know you will.

nicky's - hawai'i

jamie's - japan

anyways, sorry for lack of updates. i've been stricken with business of life. i'm going to work on the other blogs i've been thinking about for a while now. that's what's next for this.

btw. shout out to mike who i imed @2pm to ask what's up and hear his reply of "rolling around in my bed" hahaha. win.

I finished college today and it really is bittersweet.

glad to be moving on, sad to be leaving Santa Barbara.

happy to be finished of school, heartbroken to leave my friends.

to be honest, as much as i loved coming home. i loved SB just as much. it was the regular. the familiar. the daily grind. now life has taken another step forward and these past 4 years have been prepping me for this moment. it's being stripped away like a bandaid on my elbow and it's not easy. life is transitioning.

:cue music for the rest of the post:

after the ceremony: it's crazy everyone just congratulating you and i'm like, did i even do anything? tbh i dont know what to say. it's all so blurred, yet crisp and vivid. it's going to take time to set it. but i want to say this while it's fresh on my mind.

Gratitude: i absolutely love and thank my family from the deepest parts of my heart. they have supported me through the best and worst times. your presence at my graduation was perfect. nothing less. Thank you for investing your love and time into my life. it's manifested itself today as i walked. thanks so much. :D

my girls. umm, i dont know what to begin with, but i'll just keep it real. I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH. your constant listening and talking evolved my understanding and thinking of the female psyche. From the start to the end, your relationships were of the best i've ever had and i know that they're going to grow exponentially from here on out. i can't really write everything i've been thankful for with all of you, but just know that i've treasured these times with you all SO SO SO MUCH. praise to God.

my boys. i dont know what to say tbh. you're all so perfect. you've been there with me through the CRAZIEST and MOST REDONKULOUS times of my life in recent years. stuck with me through my crappy outbursts of passive aggressiveness and utterly taught me so much in return. through and through, I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. it has been nothing short of amazing, nothing short of perfect. if bromance was an option with multiple bros allowed. this would be my relationship status. i'm completely and utterly blown away. it was mind-blasting. i am just so blessed to have you all in my life. i love you all. praise to God.

and the most thanks goes out to God. i mean, how does a guy like me (super slacker) without aim or purpose other than to live...do anything? GOD is the source that has destined all this to happen for His glory. all praise goes to Him without question...because without Him, i wouldn't have gotten 20 units. without Him, i wouldn't have passed anything. without Him, i would cease to live. without Him, i wouldn't be saved. what would i do without you, God? ahhh, my life would be in such utter shambles is whattt. PRAISE TO YOU AND YOU ALONE!

He deserves all the praise and glory for this glorious college experience because i didn't do anything to deserve it... it was the best time of my life. i actually did receive a true "college experience"

nothing compares to it...literally nothing :D

My prayer for those aforementioned:

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians 1:3-11

title source: right before we got on stage to get our names read. i was second in line in the front, so as we turned the corner, i saw everyones faces behind me. it was amazinggg to see. i went down the line with everyone's face and i remembered all the good times we had. and that's what prompted me to realize and say to them all...

"we had a good run guys." congrats everyone. we made it.

I'm going to dedicate this post to Russ.

i'm sitting in the library trying to pound out this last paper, but i'm going to fall short. jamie has her bday dinner in an hour so i need to be home to get ready for that and then it's probably the last time i'll ever go dt. the paper, i need to finish by tomorrow.

:sigh:

over the few moments i've spent in this place, which most people have called home for their past 4 years, i've grown accustomed to it. i could've ended up being in that bunch, attained a MUCH higher GPA and probably graduated as a shoe in to a grad school. instead, i chose the opposite route, and i did what i needed to do just to get by.

who is happier at the end of the time. hard to say. to each his own.

but i will say that i secretly enjoy this library. there's something special about it. something about the people who have driven their eyes blind while reading in here. those who have spent hours honing their skills to their betterment. it's something to be respected for.

i think over time, i never really cared much for what people thought about me or what i did. i adopted a sorry, apathetic attitude. it was something coined by peter la fleur in dodgeball:

I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal.

that's pretty terrible that i adopted that ideal from that movie. but oh, is that movie good. definitely a top 3 in my book. the replay value is key.

anyways, the point of this is that i dont want to go home tonight. i just want to bury myself here and finish this paper off. i somehow understand maybe 0.0001% of why Russ was always here. the 7th floor. in the book area. instead of assume what motivated him to bury himself among his studies, i'll just leave it be. i'm sure he must've had a legit reason to study so much, and i'm probably never going to know what motivated him or why. i'll just let it be and respect the kid for it.

one of the things i wanted to share about was enjoying the moment. i think you prepare for moments in life, but really, you have no idea what it's going to feel like until it is already in motion. by the time the point arrives, it's going to be done. and then that's that. so many big things: graduation. wedding. kids.

which brings me to another thought.

what is heaven going to be like then? when i finally get to kick it face to face with my savior. that's going to be the best moment ever, cuz it won't end. i'll just be like :O the whole time.

so much awesome.

anyways...i'm slowly understanding about taking in the moment at present and to enjoy it for what it is.

congrats to russ for being so studious. you managed to make thomas edison look like a slacker. i love you buddy.

there is no substitute for hard work - Thomas Edison

this is what russ and i would put out for music.

foreword: this post is long, but deals with the most important thing everrr. read & know.

i dedicate this post to Nicky Leong and Grant Mizuno. God has taught me untold amounts of his love and grace from both of you. i love you both so much...

p.s. Mom & Dad. i did this instead of study :D yayyy!! i love you guys too. hahaha.

and happy bday dad!

onto the best post everrr.

There has been an age old debate in most relationships about being a reacher and settler. here's my 2cents on the matter.

a reacher is one who reaches outside his or her range in order to be with someone who is above their range.

a settler is the other person who decides to settle with said reacher.

stanizaki posted about reacher v settler for further reading.

now to reachers, this doesn't bother them.

to me, it definitely doesn't bother me.

hahaha. no joke.

why doesn't this idea bother me?

the reason is this [part 1a]: i always believe i'm the reacher in the relationship...

woah, who do you think you are? you're jt. no duh! you're always going to be the reacher in the relationship~!!! and whoever settles for you has the heart of Mother Teresa.

if i believe myself to be the settler, the fact might be this: i probably wont be happy, because i'll feel like i'm not maxing my potential. there is probably a "what if" in the back of my mind. i won't be content. i'm sure that girls in general dont carry this egotistical swag that i'm sharing about. it's only applying to me for this example.

BUTTT. if believe myself to be the reacher in the relationship. i'll probably have a crappy swag and grin, but for the reason that i'm the grateful basket who landed the most amazing girl. i'm at my full potential, maxed out at 100%. i'm completely content and satisfied and could not do any better.

the end of the sentence is this[part2a]:

...and that the girl believes herself to be a reacher as well.

i believe this to be a key in having an equal, flourishing relationship. if both parties believe that they themselves are the said reacher, they are going to have an awesome relationship as they believe themselves to be the one who lucked out in the dating pools of the world. they are both at 100%, max potential, and completely satisfied.

i believe this to be true because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. it's your point of view that matters. your state of mind.

doesn't this seem like a solid equation for a successful relationship?

right?

WRONG

this is a solid view [IMO] but is lacking.

lets not overlook the truth of life. we're flawed and sinful. and thus the dual reaching view can only take you so far before there are problems. what is the solution to those problems?

the key ingredient that is missing to this equation is

[ love. ]

this is what makes a relationship possible. the reality is that we all have flaws and missing parts. the fact that we continue with one another through the good and bad is because love.

cool, i'll keep this in mind, jt. now what does this have to do with anything?

well, in keeping with the idea of not settling for anything less than the besttt...

who's love is the best?

lets talk about the source of that ultimate love.

[part 1b]God's love for us...

what does that look like?

1 Corinthians 13

Love

¹If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

this post is about the most important thing i've come to know. and i want to make sure that everyone who reads this blog knows the most important thing i've ever come to know, which is the gospel.

----*****----

lets start the gospel where it all begins, with God.

God has a plethora of attributes and characteristics. He's holy, loving, merciful, righteous, just etc. so those last two were righteous and just.

Thus, he's a righteous judge. (makes sense, ya?)

We are all accountable for the life that we live to God. (He created us after all)

He then demands payment for any injustice or unrighteous act that we've committed against him...otherwise known as sin. Sin is something that we all have plenty of (sadly). Sin, back in the day, meant missing the mark. it was used specifically in relation to missing the bulls eye in archery. If we relate this to life today, it'd be anything but perfection. That describes all of us.

from birth we're sinners and thus apart from a holy, perfect God. since we've wronged God...there needs to be reparation. the Bible says we can't reach God by ourselves.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)

ahhh. what are we to do? we can't do anything about our impending doom! oh no, hellbound FTL! but in our moment of fail and doom, enter Christ:

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23)

YES! there's a way to get right with God. Jesus takes our punishment upon himself and dies for our sins. then he rises from the dead conquering death and sin, FTW.

but how is this gift obtained?

For, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." (Romans 10:13)

That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. (Romans 10:9, 10)

repent and believe. it's that simple.

ah the gospel. how sweet it is to those that hear it, repent and believe. how tragic it is to those refuse. it's literally the greatest story ever told. the whole concept is completely ridiculous [IMHO] because God and his love is so good. sinners such as myself do not deserve it, yet because of his love and grace...it's possible. it boggles my mind. [O.O]

His love truly knows no bounds.

thus this sentence finishes that it[part 2b]: ...is for his glory.

He's God. He's able to conceive of the most perfect plan to save us and make us his own. He created the way out for us. it's through his son Christ Jesus. Christ was the one who bridged the gap for us and in his death and resurrection. simply repent and believe.

We love because he first loved us.

(1 John 4:19)

Thus, this is how we are able to love. and thus how relationships are able to work; all by his first act of true Love. love conquers all/ftw.

give your heart to God and he'll give you satisfaction of knowing you settled for nothing less than the very besttt.

hmmm...this has been an amazing week. the fact i'm done with college classes is beyond belief. i want to have a recap of what's gone down.

i had the last bible study.

i had my last college class on thursday.

i went dt on thursday. (and brian sung molested me beyond belief on the dance floor.)

i had freebirds late at night. (super filth)

i watched the lakers win game 1.

i had the dinner with deano/reid/lynnae.

i went to mcconnells 3 times. =D afreakingmahzing.

i had an amazing full day (whip it, south coast deli, mcconnells, chumash)with fuuu and sarah lee. (except no skydiving)

i went to the mash and won some monies while simultaneously getting sarah lee to enjoy gambling, also watch nicky win and loved every moment of it.

i had naan stop with granttt(bestie).

got a response from jamie and i dont think friends is even possible (this was a setup to fail from the start, but it was a good run though)

i played ball for the first time in 6 weeks with EPIC guys. it was legit. (but my ankle was still weak)

i had 6 delish chinese tacos from jamie deguz.

to be honest, these are going to solidify my time here at UCSB and it was definitely one of the best times in my life. God did so much. and i'm just glad i lived to see it all out.

i'm about to finish off 3 finals and 1 essay this week. and i just checked my schedule and i'm screwed. i though i had finals tuesday wednesday thursday. look and see...

as you can see, i failed hard on this one. i have 3 finals on tuesday. one of those i'm writing an essay for. two of those, i have no idea what the crap is going on in either class.

thursday, i will still have no idea what's going on, but whateverrr. (btw shout out to mom.

hi mom, i know you wanted me to post about how i'm working hard. i'm working hard on finding friends to help me study.)

japan 165 is the only one i'm done with. so we'll see what's good after thursday. lets just say. after my thursday final, i'm going to party like its 1999.

my last times to hang out with my house and it's going to be one for the books. lets do thisss.

i've heard it said that college is one of the best times in you life. and i'd have to agree, it definitely was. The simple fact is this... never again will i be able to just wake up and flake class cuz i was tired. or just cuz there was something better to do. i'll have a job and be accountable to be on time. lame. lame. lame.

last night we had the last bible study meeting ever. and i'll have to say, a bonfire at the beach with some smores is definitely the way to go out. the time that i've spent with these brothers has taught me so much that i'll never be able to fully explain it. it was for sure some of the closest guys i'll ever know and the bond we share will be eternal. it probably was the biggest anchor i had while in college. what a great group of guys. :D

there were a lot of things i wanted to do this quarter. and one of them was definitely pull the trigger more. and i couldn't have been more satisfied with how everything went down. but pulling the trigger didn't just have to do with girls, it dealt with the very thing that i love the most, my faith in Christ.

if you remember i was enrolled in a religion and psyc class (RG ST15) and i have a post about my initial reactions to it. this is the link to it.

anyways, i was pretty discouraged with the situation. i think i wanted to just tell everyone what i believe in and why. to be honest, i've never just stood up for much in class my entire time here at UCSB. there have been multiple times where i disagreed heavily with the teacher, but in my cowardice, would shy away from saying much. anyways, this whole quarter, i've been just amping myself to say more and stand up.

it was my last religious studies section today. we had a discussion going about what our thoughts were about the course and what our overall religious view is. i literally sat there thinking about what i would say and if i would say anything. then there was like 5 minutes to go in class, and i decided it was another now or never moment...i then raised my hand to speak. (my TA commented how i looked super anxious to talk afterward to me in private). i was pretty amped on coffee/energy/spirit.

i shared with the class about how i believe there to be an emptiness/longing inside of all of us and that people are constantly trying to fill that void with different things, usually with materialistic things. i gave the example of multi-millionaires being completely dissatisfied with life because their life wasn't built upon something that gave them contentment. then i talked about how people find that contentment, and for me it was through God. I told them that i am a Christian and that my faith is built upon the fact that i'm saved by faith through grace in Jesus. i talked about how people don't usually believe in the existence of God because it's not "pragmatic". people don't want to be held accountable for their life and actions, so they choose not to believe. although the fact is that just because you don't believe in something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I told them that death is guaranteed for everyone and at that point, its too late. although death is when you'll know who was right.

My TA asked if anyone thought we were accountable or if there was an emptiness inside...

no one responded, if i could say one word that i saw in their faces it was disbelief. they were quiet and just shrugged it off. and then class ended...

the result wasn't what i hoped for. i think i was hoping to see more of a response... although there was a girl who was nodding her head {hopefully in agreement...}

still, i'm simply happy that i finally shared my faith in class. i would've regretted it so much had i never shared. it took me 4 years. but i did it. Praise God!